Free If Only We by Jessica Sankiewicz Page A

fun again.
    My mom has me toss a salad when I get home. I combine the lettuce, spinach leaves, carrot shavings, and diced tomato into a bowl. As I toss, my mom talks.
    “Paige started taking horseback riding lessons on Wednesdays, so now Kaitlin wants to take them. Maurice can drop her off after he gets home from work but it would be great if you could pick her up on your way home.”
    “Oh, right,” I say quietly to myself. I say to Mom, “Yeah, sure. I can do it.”
    “Great. I would do it, but she would have to wait awhile. I don’t like the idea of leaving her standing around by herself, or having Paige’s mom go out of her way to drop her off.”
    I wonder if that is how they had to do it while I was gone. It makes me feel guilty. There were so many little things that happened because of me that I didn’t even realize until now.
    She continues, “Kaitlin and I picked out a new color for her room. I’ll need you to stop by the hardware store to get the paint mixed. Maurice left the money for it next to the sample over there by the phone.”
    I finish the salad and walk over to pick up the sample. There are two paint samples circled. The lighter shade at the bottom of the card, called Lovely Lilac, is the one I remember vividly. The other is a darker purple named Royalty. I rub my chin. “Um, which one? The top one or the bottom one?” I hold the card up for her.
    She glances over. “The bottom one, hon.”
    “Okay.” I pick up the twenty and say, “I’m going to go put this in my purse so I don’t forget it,” as I leave the room. I thought it was Kaitlin’s idea to make her room light purple. It never occurred to me that my mom would insist on a color different than the one Kaitlin wanted.
    Kaitlin is sitting on her bed as I walk into my room. She is tightly curled up with her book. Her face appears gloomy. I go to her doorway and say, “Dinner’s almost ready.” She nods but doesn’t look up. “I heard about the riding lessons. That should be a lot of fun.”
    She mutters what sounds like an “Uh-huh” to me.
    I press my lips together. She should be excited. I would be. I have only ridden a horse once while out visiting my dad’s mom in Kentucky when I was eight. However, I know that’s not what is upsetting her. “Do you want to watch another episode tonight? I know we did a lot yesterday, but—”
    “Yeah, sure,” she says quickly. “That sounds good.” She gives me a smile but I can tell she is forcing it.
    Dinner conversation is mostly between my mom and Maurice. I interject a few things here and there but Kaitlin only says things like, “Pass the potatoes, please.” It doesn’t change much when we sit in front of the television later. She barely reacts to the jokes or the latest scandal going on in Orange County. I just want to chalk it up to her overreacting but I remember how I felt when mom insisted my room be a pale blue instead of forest green. I don’t mind the color so much now, but it wasn’t what I wanted.
    Just like nursing wasn’t what I wanted, yet I was going to do it anyway.
    That’s when I come up with a plan.
    I go back downstairs after Kaitlin goes back to her reading. Mom is on the computer sending an email. “Hey, Mom. I’m trying to figure out what day would work best for painting. I was thinking either a Saturday or a Tuesday.”
    “I don’t work this Saturday, so that might work.”
    Drat. That won’t help. Time to move to Plan B. “I can’t this Saturday, I’m going out with Lyndsay and Ben and some friends from school.”
    “I work the next Saturday, so how about…” she trails off to look at the calendar on the wall, “the thirtieth?”
    “Um…” I have no excuses for that day yet.
    Before I can move on to Plan C, my mom exclaims, “Oh, shoot! I almost forgot. Grandma’s coming into town on the twentieth.”
    “She is?” Then a light bulb comes on in my mind. “I’m sure she would love to see it when she comes.”
    “Yes, she