Free I'll Be Here All Week by Anderson Ward Page A

of them chuckle. The others don’t really pay attention. He sits quietly for a moment, looking at the doppelganger next to him. He wishes he had brought something to read. Sitting and waiting for an audition is both brutal and boring. It’s a combination of nervous anticipation and complete indifference.
    â€œSo how’d you get this audition?” Spence asks.
    â€œMy agent set it up,” the guy says.
    â€œYeah? Who are you with?”
    â€œRodney Carnes,” the guy says.
    â€œNo shit,” Spence says. “So am I.”
    â€œMe too,” the guy on the opposite side of him says.
    Spence looks around the room at the remaining six guys. Each of them has the same realization on their faces. It only takes him a second to put the pieces together. The pain in his neck suddenly returns.
    â€œSo,” he says to the room, “anyone else here represented by Rodney Carnes?”
    Every guy in the room raises his hand.
    Fuck you, Rodney.

5
    Spence thinks that if you knocked him out, woke him up in Montreal, and told him he was in some part of Europe he might just believe it. It’s an amazing city, and it doesn’t look like anywhere else he’s ever been in North America. The city is beautiful, everything is written in French, and he is surrounded by some of the most gorgeous women he’s ever seen. Even the girl behind the counter at McDonald’s looked like a lingerie model.
    He’s never been this cold at this time of year. Jersey is often cold in the early spring, but not like it is in Montreal today. He’s wearing a turtleneck sweater, thick overcoat, and wool scarf, and he’s still freezing. It’s a good thing he stopped off at the storage unit after all. Coming up here in his lighter clothes would have been nuts.
    He walks down Saint Catherine Street, only a few blocks from his hotel. He likes city life, and walking around the busy people as they crowd the sidewalks doesn’t bother him like it does many people. It has a very cool feeling. His entire career is about standing out, so it feels good to blend in once in a while. He strolls slowly, watching the beautiful people coming in and out of random shops. He tries to figure out what the English translation is to the French billboards and storefronts. The menu at McDonald’s was pretty easy.
    For the first time, he is very aware of the fact that he knows almost nothing about Canada. How is it possible that he learned so little about it in all of his years at school? It’s not just that he doesn’t know anything about Canadian history; he doesn’t even know anything about the culture. He had no idea things would be written in two languages everywhere. He had no idea that McDonald’s has a maple leaf in the middle of the golden arches. He sees a billboard advertising a Canadian TV show and laughs to himself. He had no idea there was a TV show called Canadian Idol. In school the teachers always said Canada was pretty much like America. He has been here only a few hours, and already realizes that they were full of shit.
    He hasn’t even been to the Comedy Crib yet, but the people here are already treating him better than he’s used to. The hotel is gorgeous and only a few blocks away from the club. Even though he can walk anywhere he needs to go, they have a cab company on call to take him anywhere he wants. And he has already been told that all of his drinks and meals at the club are free.
    He thinks this is really how he should always be treated, but it feels special when it happens these days. For every club that treats him as well as the Comedy Crib, there are six just like the Electric Pony. Somewhere along the way, comedians became a dime a dozen. Most clubs treat him as if he should feel lucky just to get paid.
    Supply and demand, he thinks.
    He blames “The Boom.” Comedians talk about it all the time. Back in the ’80s, there was a boom in the comedy business,