Free Heart So Hungry by Randall Silvis Page A

didn’t have the chance to fire. I got up. A swamp I knew of. I made for that swamp thinking I would cut across him. I tried to run, yet I was very, very weak. Oh! how hard I tried to run. But when I got out there he was across on the other side. I was away for some time, yet when I came to the boys, they were still lain in the same way, and their faces to the ground, and did not move till I spoke to them
.
    So much of what George wrote brought tears to Mina’s eyes. She had thought she must surely be empty of tears by now, but still they came. And each time George witnessed this, whether her eyes merely glistened or the tears ran freely over her cheeks, he ached for her. He ached with a deep, bruising pain that went all the way through him. He ached with the knowledge that a bit of luck here or theremight have made all the difference for Mr. Hubbard, but that George, for all his trying, had never been able to force that luck upon them. He felt responsible for all the mistakes, though none of the decisions had rested with him. But Mina never accused him of failing her husband, never once allowed him to assume any blame.
    During Christmas dinner at Dr. Sawyer’s, after the good pastor’s excruciatingly long blessing of the food, Mina insisted on thanking the Lord personally, not just for the pastor’s hospitality but for George’s friendship and loyalty. George got so choked up by her words that for the next ten minutes he was unable to speak without a quiver in his voice.
    After Christmas, George did not see Mina again for several days. It was late in the first week of 1905 when she finally called on him to inquire if the narrative was finished. But from the very first minute of this meeting he suspected that her mind was on something other than his manuscript. He was sure he detected a change in her, a quality of inner repose. He thought, she seems like she’s made her mind up about something.
    She read his new pages and pronounced them very fine. But afterward she sat with the pages on her lap as she gazed into the fireplace. The pastor had laid on several logs of applewood, and the room was warm and smelled vaguely of autumn. And there was such a stillness to Mina that day; George was mystified. Until finally she turned to him and spoke. The calmness of her voice unsettled him as much as the words.
    “I have decided to go to Labrador, George. And I would like very much for you to go there with me.”
    At first he felt dizzied by her remarks, cold-cocked by an unexpected blow. The pastor’s parlour suddenly shrank and darkened and began to spin. He had nearly died in Labrador! Mr. Hubbard
had
died! Why would George, or anyone, for that matter, ever wish to go back?
    “Mr. Wallace, as you know, has already announced his intentionof fulfilling my husband’s plan. But I am a Hubbard and he is not, and if any name is to be attached to the successful completion of that journey, it shall be my husband’s name.”
    “Missus,” George began, having no idea what he would say, “it can be a miserable place.”
    “But you know the way now, don’t you? You’ve seen where the Naskapi enters Grand Lake?”
    “That’s just the beginning of the trip. There’s another six hundred miles—”
    “Moreover,” she said, smiling serenely, “we will complete Mr. Hubbard’s mission exactly as he planned it. Mr. Wallace intends to outfit his expedition more amply and to turn it into what he calls a scientific expedition. He has even persuaded
Outing
to support his efforts. Do you not see the ignominy in this, George? The disrespect to my husband?”
    What could he say? It was unthinkable that he, a half-breed, an unmarried man, should accompany her into the wilderness. And anyway, she was completely inexperienced in the trials they would face. It was unheard of for a woman to embark on such an adventure—a white woman accompanied by a half-breed and, by necessity, a few other males? It was scandalous. And it was