Free Walking Heartbreak by Sunniva Dee Page B

below him, swelling and tightening around our contact. “Is it sweet?” he asks just when I can’t think anymore, and that too adds to my pleasure.
    My muscles quiver, lasting, lasting, but in the end, they relax, landing from the flight he took me on. His movements over me turn jerky, and his breath shudders hot at my ear.
    I open my eyes, wanting to absorb how I make him feel, and in the dim light I see his bottomless ones, blind with desire, and the beauty of having caused such bliss rushes a shiver through me.
    “Ah Nadia,” he pleads, like he wants me to do something. My response is instinctive. I cup his face with my hands and make him moan out his climax against my mouth.

    I remember Bo returning to the bed with a warm washcloth and cleaning my body. I remember being patted down with a dry towel afterward, making me feel cared for in my sated state. But I don’t recall falling asleep.
    It’s light outside when I wake up. I’m in Bo’s arms, and his chin is nestled over my head. I fit in against him, and with his arm loosely around my waist, we’re in this sleep-embrace that’s so natural it stings. I swallow, letting the morning flood me with the sins of yesterday.
    “Yeah, that’s how you jack someone off,” Emil’s voice mutters through the wall.
    “Really?” Zoe asks, sounding surprised.
    “No! If you had one yourself, you’d destroy it in three seconds flat.”
    Low snickers from Zoe.
    I hear them so clearly, a flush of shame creeps up my throat and into my face. I don’t want to consider what they might have heard of Bo and me last night. He’d been quiet though. I’d been quiet.
    I’m always quiet.
    “Hey, beautiful.” Bo’s voice is morning-raspy. I tilt my head back to see his face.
    “Good morning.” There’s a smile in my voice. I hear it myself, and it’s strange.
    “Are they at it in there?” he asks, and I titter, uneasy.
    “I don’t know. It’s hard to tell what they’re doing.”
    “‘Jack off?’ Nah, it’s pretty clear. As far as I know, it means—”
    “Shhh,” I cut him off instinctively, and he raises an eyebrow at me. “Dirty word?”
    He retracts to better study me, but I hide quickly against his neck.
    “Hmm. Nadia’s blushing,” he explains to himself. “You’re even prettier when you blush, like last night when you—”
    “Please!” I never raise my voice, but he can’t say that word.
    “Came?” His voice is silky and teasing and a bit merciless.
    “You’re mean,” I mumble, my cheeks so hot I’m dying.
    Lean arms cage me in and tighten around me. “You were perfect.”
    I don’t reply because I’m embarrassed. Why would he mention something that personal? I don’t know this man. And… I don’t do this stuff.
    Shame is a friend, a family member. She has returned full force, and now I fight her sister too: guilt. Guilt is never far behind.
    Hard raps on the door interrupt us. “Nadia? You there?”
    “Yeah,” I start, then rinse my voice with a small cough and repeat it louder. I expect Zoe to open, not giving me privacy to get into my clothes. I even expect a few clever comments. I don’t get either.
    “We’re heading out for breakfast. You coming?” she asks.
    No. I need to go home.
    “Sure, give us five,” Bo replies.
    “’Kay!” my friend sings out.
    “I can’t,” I tell Bo.
    “Aren’t you hungry?” He brushes hair from my face the way he did last night when he comforted me. He pulls on a lock and tucks it between my shoulder and the pillow. Silly.
    “Yeah, but…”
    “He’s waiting for you?”
    I shut my eyes and taste the metallic flavor of guilt in my mouth. “Not waiting—”
    “He’s there though, right? Or is he deployed or something?”
    Bo should be repulsed by my actions—he knows I’m married. My hands go up on their own, and the goal is to cover my face and black out his expression. Just… he doesn’t look repulsed. He looks concerned.
    Last night, the booze talked for me. This morning,