according to the law, the merit of his deceased father, but otherwise said little. Martha knew he would recite the kaddish each day of the eleven months of the avelut , the period prescribed for mourning a parent.
âLazarus.â She touched him on the shoulder. âWhat can I do for you?â
He gave her a wan smile and shook his head. âDo not fear for me, sister, I will be all right.â
Nathan came after the seven days of shivah, and the two men left the courtyard to walk in the fields and talk. Martha watched them go and felt somewhat comforted. Nathan was a friend and loved their father. Perhaps Lazarus could unburden himself with Nathan.
Lazarus returned some time later and his countenance had lifted. She could see by his face that he had wept. He had vented his grief at last.
At the end of the thirty days of mourning, Martha watched Lazarus as he went down the road to return to his jobs in the village. Martha knew her authority must decrease as Lazarus took his place as head of the household. With a deep sigh, she went to her loom to finish a cloth sheâd started before her father died. As she sent the shuttle along the strands of wool, her mind remained on Lazarus.
She had been like a mother to him for so long that sheâd always seen him as a boy. Yet now it was as if an invisible hand gripped her heart. Was this how every mother felt when suddenly she sees that the child sheâs nurtured is no longer a child? This morning it was not a boy who looked back at her, but a man.
Mary went about her work, but her mood was somber, and when she had the opportunity, she poured out her sorrow in the minor keys of the songs she played on her lyre.
Martha was not able to go to the Mount of Olives for the month of mourning, and she wondered if Thaddeus knew about her father. The next Sabbath, in the quiet of the afternoon, she felt free to once again go to the Garden of Gethsemane. She told Mary she just needed to go for a walk and hated herself for her deceit. Fortunately Mary had other things on her mind and nodded absentmindedly. Lazarus was away, visiting with Shua.
Ignoring the guilt that followed like a shadow, Martha walked quickly to the grove of olive trees, praying Thaddeus would be there. When he stepped from among the trees and held out his arms, this time she ran into them gladly.
âI heard about your father,â he said gently as he held her. âIâm so sorry. I would have come to you, but that would have caused more harm than good and I would not cause you more pain.â
She looked up at him through her tears. âI knew you couldnât come. I understand.â
âHow is it with your household? Your brother and sister?â
They walked slowly together through the grove.
âLazarus keeps his grief to himself and will not talk about it. Mary weeps silently and plays her lyre. The melodies are sad, and hard for me to hear, but I could not ask her to stop. I miss my father greatly. Ill as he was, he gave me strength.â
âMartha, I would be happy to make a home for your brother and sister also if they would let me. They would be welcome.â
Her heart swelled with love for him, but she shook her head. âLazarus is to be married. He wonât leave our home, for it will be his and Shuaâs if I leave. As to Mary, that will have to be her decision. Iâm sure she will wish to marry and remain in the village.â She shook her head. âOh, Thaddeus, my heart tells me to go with you, but I just donât know what to do.â
He turned and drew her close again, drawing a rough finger slowly down her cheek. He would not shame her by trying to kiss her, knowing Jewish customs, but he looked at her face intently.
âI am going on patrol with my men tomorrow. We have word where we can find a robber and murderer by the name of Barabbas, and we are to hunt him down and capture him. I donât know how long I will be gone,