Free Killing Me Softly by Kathryn R. Biel Page A

my house. This is supposed to be my sanctum away from my crazy family. "Why are you here?"
    "I was on my way over anyway."
    "Wait, what? Why?"
    I'm sitting in a chair at my kitchen table. It's really the only furniture I have in here at the moment. My cat jumps up on the table and I reach out to pet him.
    "Sadie, you know, allowing the cat on the table is really in poor form. And look at his fur! It's all matted! Don't you ever brush that thing?"
    I try really hard to focus on my mother. She looks at me and shrieks. "Oh dear Lord, look at your face! You got stung right in the middle of your forehead!"
    I hadn't even noticed this one. Apparently, when your crotch is on fire, you tend not to notice a little forehead pain. So, here I am, my groin the size of a football, a welt the size of Kansas in the middle of my forehead, in a Benadryl coma, with my mother criticizing my feline grooming skills, when Helga's son walks in.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
     
    I'm sorry I called Helga's son. I'm sorry he showed up. I'm sorry I swore off dating for fear of killing another boyfriend. I'm sorry I didn't let Helga fix me up with her son years ago. I'm sorry I had a welt the size of a football on my hoo-ha when he showed up.
    Helga's son is Max. You know, Cupid from that fateful Valentine's Eve before my life went in the shitter.
    Not that it's not in the shitter right now. I am so confused. It's got to be the medicine, right? 'Cause I'm waiting for Mike to show up. Mike, the name on his business card. So when Max shows up, I get all confused.
    "Hey! What are you doing here?" I slur like a drunken skunk.
    "Coming to meet you, I think. Are you the homeowner here?" He looks like he wants to bolt.
    "Yeah, I'm Sadie Perkins. I called you. I know your mom."
    "And I'm Sadie's mom, Carol." Of course my mother has to butt in.
    Trying to keep my eyes open, I point to my mother. "That's my mother and she's leaving now."
    She turns in a huff but makes sure to call out before she leaves, "Remember what I said about the cat." 'Cause obviously grooming my cat is high on the list of priorities right now.
    "I know you." His brow is furrowed as he's searching to place me. Considering I look like the Elephant Man, it's no wonder he doesn't remember me. Oh, have I mentioned that because of the groin issue, I'm sitting with my legs spread apart, the right one on a chair, the groin on full display, covered only by the bag of ice? Which, as it turns out, is really a bag of peas. Guess I won't be having those for dinner after all.
    "The B&B Valentine's weekend. I saw you as Cupid. You saw me the morning after my boyfriend and I broke up."
    "Oh, right. Sadie."
    "Yeah, but you're Max not Mike. You have to explain. But go slow, because things are a little fuzzy right now. I may or may not have taken an entire package of Benadryl."
    He sits down on a chair across the table from me. I try not to notice how nice the worn jeans look on him or how his biceps are displayed in his fitted black t-shirt. He runs a hand through his dark hair. He's again sporting a five o'clock shadow, which is fitting since it's after five. I wonder if he ever shaves.
    "Oh, I'm being rude. Do you want something to drink? Water, soda, beer?"
    "I'd love a beer, but you don't look like you're in any shape to get up. Tell me where and I'll get them."
    Now, I probably shouldn't be drinking after taking the Benadryl, but I don't want to be rude. I wave in the general direction of the fridge and he retrieves two. He hands me my beer, and I say, "What? You're not even going to open it for me? What happens if I break a nail?" Oh crap, I shouldn't have said that. Now he probably thinks I'm some prima donna diva.
    Then, opening my beer, I actually do break a nail. Dammit. Probably because my hands are not the most dexterous at the moment. Honestly I couldn't care less about the nail. What I do care about is that it seems like the universe just fired a cosmic warning shot across my bow. I mentioned something,