Free Inconvenient Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery by Auburn Seal, Amanda A. Allen Page B

usually a problem for us. We have had an open marriage for years, now. He tried to accuse me of spreading some sort of sexual plague, but I told him ‘I am always careful. I don’t forget to use my brain.’ Unlike him. Obviously.”
    “You have got to be kidding me? What is wrong with this family?”
    Did I just say that out loud? Oops.
    “Well, anyway, I do feel just terrible but I should take care of this before things start itching and parts start falling off. I suppose that would interfere with my sex life. And that is just not acceptable for me. I have got needs that must be met. Damn that man for being so irresponsible. I’m always saying ‘Do take precautions, Davis dear. Don’t get too excitable and get yourself in a situation.’ Clearly he didn’t listen to me. But then he never did. I do hope you understand? Davis will still be there of course.”
    Emily rushed to get off the phone, unable to contain her laughter for much longer.
    “Sure, Melinda. You, uh, take care. I’ll talk to you later.”
    She ended the call and sat back on her bed and shook with hysterical laughter. Every time she thought she was done laughing, the thought of Melinda and Davis screwing around with other people sent her into another round of laughter.
    Melinda wasn’t ugly, by any stretch, but she was a little older than middle-aged and had always struck Emily as being a prude.
    “Huh. Who knew?” Emily said aloud. “Oh man, Ingrid is going to die.”
    She stood up and put her robe on and took the elevator up on floor to Ingrid’s. She walked in without knocking, as usual.
    “Ingrid. You are seriously not going to believe what I just found out about Melinda and Davis. What are you doing?”
    Ingrid was sitting on the kitchen counter, holding a knife. There was a jar of aloe cream next to her, and blood dripped from Ingrid’s wrist.
    Ingrid shrugged. “Oh, no. This isn’t what it looks like, dovey. I just am trying to see if I can heal again. Only on purpose this time, you know? And I had to have something to heal so I stabbed myself in the wrist. And I figured that the aloe plant probably had something to do with it so, you know.”
    She shrugged like it was no big deal.
    Emily rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Ingrid. I don’t have time for you to slit your wrists and bleed out all over the place. Okay? I’ve got to clear my name.”
    Ingrid slid down the cabinets until her feet reached the floor and rinsed her wrist in the sink.
    Emily reached for the bandage Ingrid held in her hand. “I’ll do it,” she said. “You bandaged me up last time. But, for real, you’ve got to find a way to do magic that won’t maim, scar or kill us. Yeah?”
    Ingrid laughed, “Yeah. Fine. You’re no fun. So, what did you want to tell me about Melinda?”
    Emily finished sticking the bandage onto Ingrid’s wrist and tossed the wrapper in the garbage.
    “Seriously, guess. I dare you.”
    “Uh, I have no idea. They missed their ferry? No, wait. I know. Davis is dead and Melinda killed him! No, that’s not it. Oh, I know. Melinda, that sweet rabid dove, called to tell you that dickhead was a gazillionaire and left it all to you?”
    “Hah. Nope. Owen wouldn’t have left me one red cent. Melinda killing Davis, though…maybe that’s not such a stretch. Melinda called me to say that she can’t come to my interview today with Gabe and Davis because she has to get tested for an STD.”
    Ingrid snorted and laughed simultaneously, which turned into an uncontrollable cough, and reached for her glass to take a drink.
    “It’s a little early for wine, don’t you think?” Emily asked.
    Ingrid glared.
    “Whatever. Anyway. That’s not even the best part,” Emily said when Ingrid stopped coughing. “Turns out they’ve had an open relationship for years. She said she’s been lecturing Davis to wear a condom, but he is just too excitable to remember.”
    “Ugh. That’s disgusting.” Ingrid gulped another mouthful of wine and wiped her