Free A Passionate Love Affair with a Total Stranger by Lucy Robinson Page B

then I’d done the same for my cousin Anna with Peter from Glasgow, for my school friend Michelle with Sean from Berwick and for pretty much anyone else who asked. They picked the men; I wrote the emails.
    All
the men had been hooked, yet I’d felt nothing during the courtships. Maybe it was because I was pretending to be someone else, which did rather take the edge off things; maybe I was just frozen. But I could see that it was no joke, this Internet love thing. Fully grown men abandoning their pride and begging, throwing themselves at the perfect cyber feet of all of these perfect cyber girls?
    ‘I know what you’re going through, Iain old chap,’ I said to the computer. ‘Hang on in there.’
    ‘SHIIIIIT!!!!!!’ Joanna wrote on MSN as soon as I logged on (under the catchy moniker of First Date Aid
Charlotte). Obviously she was in as much of a state as Iain. I grinned.
           First Date Aid Charlotte: Hi Jo
           FluffyJo 79: Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
           First Date Aid Charlotte: I think it’s best to wait until tomorrow to reply to Iain, OK? All best, Charlotte.
           FluffyJo 79: GREAT!!! I know you’re right but I just want to reply RIGHT NOW!!!!!
           First Date Aid Charlotte: That’s why you need me! ☺
    The smiley was added for good measure, even though it went against everything I believed in.
           FluffyJo 79: Thanks Charlotte!! This date would NOT be happening without you!! Now I’ve got time to go and buy some clothes and get my hair done this weekend! Wicked!!
           First Date Aid Charlotte: No! Don’t go and buy clo
    I started, then deleted. At times I struggled to remember that I was simply a ghost-writer, not a dating coach.
    The
modus operandi
I’d established for First Date Aid was straightforward. If a client contacted me I familiarized myself with them as best I possibly could and, thus armed, set up an Internet dating account on their behalf. They had full access to their profile, so they could see the emails that were passing back and forth on their behalf. So far this was working well, but Jo had got so excited about Iain that she was messaging me several thousand times per day to comment on the action.
           Fluffy Jo 79: You don’t think he’ll lose interest if you wait till 2 moro to reply???
    I looked at poor Iain’s ‘Online Now!’ profile.
           First Date Aid Charlotte: No. I don’t think he’ll lose interest. Go to bed:)
    I closed the messenger window and went back to my inbox. A new client, Shelley Cartwright, had contacted me since dinner and I hovered the mouse over her name, toying with the idea of reading the message tomorrow. It was late and I was tired. But, of course, I clicked. Running First Date Aid might not be high-profile communications work for one of the world’s leading pharmaceutical companies but it was staving off the madness.
    I opened her email and groaned. It was like standing in front of an angry bear armed with a machine gun and a mallet and a knife.
Hi.
    I saw the ad in the
Evening Standard
. (
The
Evening Standard
had been Sam’s latest triumph; thanks to him I’d paid about a sixth of the going rate
.) I’m far too busy to be fiddling around on the Internet so would like to contract you for two weeks. I’ve looked on love.com and have selected two suitable men, Stuart and William; links to their profiles are below. Please could you schedule dates with both if they are available. I have openings on 26 and 29 September and would prefer a meeting in either Canary Wharf, where I work, or London Bridge, where I live. I request that you do not use abbreviated text or swear words
in any messages you send on my behalf. Please email an invoice and note that I accept your rates and terms. You can use the attached photo to create my online dating account and I have written a short summary of myself in addition, also attached.
    Regards,
    Shelley
    I chuckled. ‘I’m far too