Free Patient Privilege by Allison Cassatta Page B

and soon.
    Hot water pounded down against the dingy bathtub. Angel couldn't bring himself to look at Jon, and Jon seemed to be playing the avoidance game too. He'd always been damn good at it. That was probably Angel's fault as well.
    He opened his mouth to say something when Jon interrupted him. "The shower is ready."
    Angel raised his head. Finally finding his voice again, he softly said, "Will you hold me, please?"
    "You need to shower, Angel."
    "I know. Shower with me, please. I just… I need to be held."
    Jon swallowed so hard Angel could see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. Whenever Angel got high, he wanted to fuck and now wasn't the time for it. Not to mention the fact that nothing about what had happened turned either of them on. Angel, honest to God, only wanted to be held.
    "Please," he said again. "I won't try anything. I just need someone to hold me. I'm going to be gone for a while and I… I guess I need to know I won't be forgotten."
    Jon hugged Angel's waist. "I'll never forget you, I swear."
    They stayed in each other's arms. Pain and fear consumed Angel to the point he shivered against Jon's body. He never once thought things would get this bad, never thought he would share something so humiliating and frightening with someone who cared so much about him. But he knew he had to accept help. He had to let someone in and the only person he trusted enough to get that close was Jon.
    Jon's lips pressed against Angel's forehead. At the sound of Jon's voice, Angel raised his head. Jon said, "I love you and I know you're scared, but you have to do this or you'll end up dead and I'll…" His voice choked. Tears welled in his eyes again. "I don't want to ever be without you, Angel. I don't want to lose you."
    "I don't want to lose you either. I can't lose you."
    "Then we'll do this together." Jon gripped Angel's chin and lifted his head. Their saddened, scared gazes met and Angel had to force back the sudden feeling of shame just so he could look Jon in the eyes.
    Angel reached down and gripped the hem of his Jon's t-shirt. He pulled it over his head and tossed it aside as Jon kicked off his shoes and pulled down his pants. Both men stood there in nothing but their boxers, staring at each other because words failed them. That horrible awkwardness came back again. Neither of them knew how to break through it. They could only pray that in time, love could heal whatever had broken between them.
    Boxers gone, they climbed into the grimy shower. Angel leaned against Jon's body while Jon's hands brushed soap up and down Angel's chest. Jon rested his chin on Angel's shoulder, telling him that once he got better, they could go to school together, maybe even get a place together, a home they could call their own. They would move away from LA, away from the streets and the temptation of living in the city. Everything would be perfect, but first, Angel had to get better.
    With a deep breath, Jon turned Angel in his arms and pulled him into one of the softest, most sensual kisses Angel had ever received. Their mouths met in the sweetest caress. Angel's tongue slipped through the slight part of his lips. His eyes closed. He gave his heart and soul to that kiss, let it embrace him and warm him, let it consume him and lift him from the fog he'd been living in.
    When the kiss finally broke, Jon said, "You can do this. You'll beat the drugs because you're better and stronger. I've always looked up to you and nothing will ever change that."
    "Thank you," Angel whispered. "I think I needed to hear that."
    "You ready for this?"
    Angel nodded. "Yeah, I think I am."
    "Good."
    Angel reached outside the shower and grabbed two towels to dry their bodies. The motel door slammed as Jon began getting dressed. His head shot up. A heavy dose of paranoia hit his gut.
    Jon touched his shoulder and said, "Wait here. I'll be right back."
    Standing naked in the bathroom, Angel listened to the low hum of voices through the crack in the door. He