Free Blue Saturn by Libby Jay Page A

across the room. “She’s killing my buzz.”
    I look over at Mike as he snarls at me. I glare back at him and then smile. I can win this little battle. “Is Mike’s room free?” I ask Gavin.
    “Yeah, of course, but...” Gavin is shaking his head.
    “Too bad.”
    I open the door to Mike’s room preparing myself for whatever sight might greet me. But I’m pleasantly surprised by how clean and neat his room is. His bed is made. There is not a single piece of clothing on the floor. Two guitar cases are lying closed on the floor under one of the windows. The curtains are open allowing the winter sun to warm the room.
    “Come on Mikey. Let’s get into bed.”
    I take off his shoes, socks and jumper. I check his temperature and as it’s normal I lay him down in the middle of the bed and pull the covers up over him. I close the curtains closest to the bed, but leave the smaller windows at the far end of the room uncovered to allow a little light in.
    When I turn back to the bed, Mikey’s eyes are closed and he’s sucking his thumb. He looks so small and vulnerable, it makes my chest ache.
    “Indsy, can I have a cuddle?”
    “Of course you can, Mikey.” I slip my shoes off and pull the covers back. I lay down next to Mikey as he snuggles up next to me, taking a piece of my hair in his fist. He falls asleep within minutes.
    It’s only a short time later that the music from the living room fades and I too feel my body surrender to sleep.
     
    My stomach is so empty I feel sick. It’s churning and bubbling and it’s enough to wake me from my sleep.
    Mikey is still asleep next to me. I have no idea what the time is but I feel rested. I must’ve been asleep for a while. I stretch out my legs and slowly move away from Mikey. I don’t want to wake him just yet. I want to make sure the obscenities from the living room are cleared before Mikey sees anything more.
    As I begin to roll away, my leg brushes up against something - someone - and I look over my shoulder quickly.
    Lying next to me, on his side, his head propped up by his hand is Mike. I freeze, my eyes locked with his. I lay perfectly still as he looks down at me. He’s tired. Or high. Or drunk. Or a good measure of all three. I’m too scared to move. I’ve broken his most important rule and I know I’m going to cop his full fury.
    But he won’t do it while Mikey is asleep. The last thing he wants is for Mikey to be awake. So we both lay perfectly still, remaining perfectly silent as we look at each other.
    “I’m sorry I raised my hand to you,” he whispers. His voice is low and his eyes don’t leave mine as he delivers his apology. His apology isn’t followed up by an excuse or explanation. It’s a sincere apology.
    It is absolutely the last thing I expected him to say.
    “I’m sorry I called you a bad father.” I’m not really sorry. I’m sorry I said it but I’m not sorry for thinking it.
    “I deserved it, don’t you think?” He pushes the covers off him and gets out of bed. I watch him walk to the bathroom attached to his room and close the door behind him. Moments later, the water in the shower starts to run.
    I get up from his bed and head downstairs to assess the damage, but the apartment is spotlessly clean. There is no sign of the debauchery that took place here only a few hours ago. It’s then that I realise that the sky outside is beginning to darken. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s five thirty in the afternoon. I’ve been asleep for almost six hours.
    “Oh great,” I sigh. Mikey is going to be up all night. I’m going to be up all night.
    On my way back to wake Mikey, I check our bedrooms. The beds have been freshly made and I wonder how I earth I slept through the noise of our apartment being serviced.
    I’m preparing a quick dinner for Mikey and I when Mike comes downstairs and leaves without saying goodbye. I breathe a sigh of relief and smile. I’ve avoided a confrontation, for now.
    Mikey and I eat dinner