Free Lost Girls by Caitlin Rother Page B

acted bad to see if Cathy would give him away. When Cathy tried to be affectionate with him, he pushed her away, saying that “his mommy and daddy had once said they loved each other, and now look at how things were.”
    And it only got worse from there.

Chapter 8
    John Jr. was really taking the separation hard. He not only had difficulty falling asleep, but he cried while dreaming, wasn’t eating much, and began to act in ways that really alarmed his mother, such as picking fights with groups of neighborhood boys who were bigger, tougher and outnumbered him.
    Within a week of coming to live with Cathy, he was sent to the principal’s office for acting out. After also pushing the principal’s papers onto the floor, he got himself suspended. The school had been creating an Individual Education Plan for him, which would allow him to enter a program for the severely emotionally disturbed. They just couldn’t handle him in the regular classroom.
    Cathy was at her wit’s end too. “I was a wreck,” she recalled. “Here I was, I’ve lost my home. I’ve separated from my husband. My child is now suicidal, getting kicked out of school, and I was having to file bankruptcy.” She knew, however, that he couldn’t stay in regular school, because he was too disruptive.
    Days after he was suspended, John Jr. was so angry at Cathy that he threatened to run into the street, jump out of their second-story apartment window, run into traffic or stab himself. He also began to play dangerous games with electrical wiring and setting more fires. He lit several candles all over the house, dripping hot wax on furniture and the rug. He also lit a roll of toilet paper on fire and tossed it into the bathtub.
    â€œI hate my life,” he said. “I hate everything. I might as well be dead.”
    His father had given him a guitar, and John Jr. was so angry at John Sr. for abandoning him that he buried the instrument in the flower planter outside.
    When she noticed it was missing, Cathy asked him where his guitar was.
    â€œDad hates me,” he replied. “I don’t need it anymore.”
    Â 
    Â 
    Around this time, Cathy started seeing a new man, an electrician named Dan. Still angry at Cathy, John Jr. tried to warn away her new boyfriend: “Don’t become disabled, or she’ll leave you too.”
    This comment hit a little too close to home for Cathy, but she tried once again to take it in stride. He was obviously a very sick little boy. Recognizing this, she tried to get him hospitalized, but her health provider refused to take action, suggesting instead that she bring him to urgent care. Because of the problems with her son, Cathy had transferred jobs from the kids’ unit to the adult unit at UCLA, where she called the medical director for advice.
    â€œI need help,” she told him, near the breaking point herself. “My kid is a mess. I don’t know what to do.”
    â€œBring him in,” he told her. “We’ll get him admitted.”
    On February 1, 1989, John Jr. was admitted to the child inpatient wing, known as 6-West, where he stayed for five weeks.

    The doctors at UCLA considered statements by Cathy, John Sr. and their son in assessing the situation. John Jr.’s hospital records show that he was not very self-aware, denying many of his symptoms, his depression, psychotic symptomatology and “current suicidality.” However, he admitted to wanting to kill himself in the past and acknowledged having problems in school, “making enemies and having trouble with kids being mean” to him. He denied his insomnia, saying, “I stay up late, and he denied his hyperactivity, saying, “I like to be doing things all the time.” He reported that he liked his classes, especially math, and enjoyed swimming, soccer and basketball.
    Blaming his mother for his parents’ separation, he claimed she was trying to give him