Free My Gym Teacher Is an Alien Overlord by David Solomons Page A

telekinesis and Star Screens; his greatest powers were his powers of concentration. The tickle became an itch. I felt the stirrings of an actual plan. I’d studied him in the heat of battle; I knew that he had to concentrate in order to use his powers. The solution to my problem rose up like a fin in the water.
    Break his concentration and you break Star Guy.
    Unable to focus, he would drop his force field, and without it he’d be vulnerable to a blast directed from my mother ship’s weapon systems. I did a quick calculation. My alien-targeting computers were lightning fast, so it would take just two seconds to lock on and fire. Two seconds without his protective shield, and victory would be mine.
    One part of the puzzle remained. How to distract him? What I needed was a tactical shepherd’s pie. Not an actual shepherd’s pie, but something that would work the same way on Zack.
    I was so close. I could feel the answer just beyond my fingertips. But just as I reached for it, there was a dull knocking in my headphones. I slipped them off and the knocking grew louder. Someone was at the front door. Grumbling, I paused the game. I opened the door to a motorbike courier delivering a package for Christopher Talbot.
    â€œIne ear id,” said the courier.
    â€œPardon me?”
    The courier removed her helmet. Long hair spilled over leather-jacketed shoulders. She peeled off a glove, and as she thrust the handheld signing device at me and tapped a stylus against the screen, I noticed her fingernails were painted blue. “Sign here, kid,” she repeated.
    I was frozen to the spot.
    â€œYou OK?” asked the courier.
    The answer to the puzzle was standing in front of me (in a manner of speaking). I signed for the package and rushed back to the game. I didn’t have to distract Star Guy; I had to distract
Zack
. Swiftly, I navigated to the Overlord menu, accessed the R & D laboratory, selected the nanomachine replicator, and set to work designing the device that I knew would stop him in his tracks. I labored for minutes. And then it was done. The very last part of the process was to give the weapon a suitably awesome name. I thought for a moment and then began to enter my choice, using the controller. I meant to call it the “Doomsday Machine,” but I made a typo, and seeing as it took ages to select the letters, I didn’t bother to go back to fix it. So it ended up being called the “Doofsday Machine.”
    I restarted the game. My device primed, I launched another invasion of Earth. I swept aside the tanks and planes as usual, and waited. Two streaks appeared on the horizon: Star Guy and Dark Flutter were coming. But this time I was ready for them.
    I gently pressed the FIRE button and unleashed my secret weapon. It worked just as I’d planned. The force field flickered and dropped. Two seconds later my weapon systems boomed, and I was rewarded with the glorious sight of Star Guy and Dark Flutter tumbling out of the sky to their doom.
    I leaped to my feet and punched the air. I’d done it—crushed them both! My victory cry lodged in my throat. A high-pitched whine was rising from the console. I barely had time to turn my head toward it before a flash of green light exploded from the machine, and my world went dark.

A Big Tentacle for Our Winner
    I opened my eyes and winced as a sliver of light poked me like a bony finger.
    â€œThe Thucwex Gsuphlon has arrived,” boomed a voice that seemed to come from everywhere. There was a sound like someone clapping wet hands. “Bring the nourishment.”
    As my vision adjusted, I began to make out my surroundings. I was lying on some kind of raised platform in the center of a large, rectangular room with two doors. A single column of light shone down on me from the ceiling far above. Markings crisscrossed the floor, multicolored straight lines and curves I felt sure I’d seen somewhere before. A movement caught my