Free Wandering in Exile by Peter Murphy Page A

herself and smiled. He was full of it, but she wouldn’t want him any other way. Where her father had become dark and brooding, shying away in the basement and drinking himself to sleep while he listened to his old jazz records, Danny still had life and hope in him.
    She kissed him slowly and passionately to let him know that she wanted to believe in him. Why not? He had as good a chance as any of them.
    “What’s that for?”
    “So you will remember me when you’re famous,” she laughed and turned away from him.
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    “Jerry? Do you have any regrets?”
    He knew better than to answer without thinking. Jacinta didn’t want honesty—no woman ever really did. They only wanted to hear what they wanted to hear—assurances. He had no problem with that. Who wanted to know what their partner really felt? Who wanted to find out that they had wasted their lives on the wrong person?
    “What do you mean?” He reached out for the wine and refilled their glasses. The garden was in late summer bloom around them and, when the rain held off, it was warm and lazy.
    “You know, did you ever regret getting involved with me?”
    “Not at all. What would make you ask such a thing?”
    “Well it hasn’t all been rosy.”
    “It’s not supposed to be, Jass.”
    “I know that, but I was wondering how you were feeling about things.”
    “To tell you the truth, I have never been happier—or as close to it as the likes of me can get.”
    He lied of course but what else could he do. It was like his mother had said: He’d made his bed and now he was lying in it. Not that it really mattered anymore; he was as happy as the next man.
    When he was younger, he thought it would be very different. Back then he thought he would get through university and go on to do something great in the world. He thought he might be the one to find the cure for something or the missing piece to a puzzle that had mystified them all for eons.
    But as it turned out, he wasn’t really the learning type. “I’m happy, Jass, and that puts me ahead of most of them.”
    “Are you really?”
    “I am, and the big reason is that I’m smart enough now to know what’s really important.”
    Jacinta lit up. She probably thought that he was referring to her and he did nothing to correct her. What he did mean was that he had come to realize that the plight of mankind was never going to be his concern. His purpose was to tidy up his own little corner of the world and look out for himself and those that depended on him.
    Things were going well for him too. His boss was a total idiot and was useless without him. Jerry knew better than to let on he knew but he was the one they all came to when something needed to be sorted out. Even the higher-ups knew and came to him directly.
    “That’s so nice to hear. Sometimes I wonder what things would have been like for you if we hadn’t . . .”
    “But then we’d never have had Danny.”
    Jacinta blew him a kiss and sipped her wine, her eyes shining above the rim of the glass. “Do you think he’s getting on okay?”
    “Why wouldn’t he? Doesn’t he have my brains and your good looks? What harm could happen to him? Unless he wears himself out on all those Canadian girls.”
    “Oh, don’t say that. I don’t like to think of him off alone. God knows what type of trouble he could be getting himself into.”
    “He’ll do just fine. And besides, it’ll do him good to see a bit of the world for a while. Then he can come back and go to university. You know if I had done that, then I would have been ready for life and not always be trying catch up after everything that happened.”
    “Jerry? You don’t feel like you wasted your life with me?”
    He paused and thought about it. Sometimes he did, particularly when he was younger and lost his patience with her and all that being married meant. That’s what he smoldered over in so many bars in London during his banishment. That and guilt, and that only made things