Free Pirandello's Henry IV by Luigi Pirandello, Tom Stoppard Page B

not himself, Himself, His Majesty; he was like his teacher. With us, we’re his Privy Counsellors but we’re only here to take up space. It’s in the books—the barons had it in for Henry for surrounding himself with young bloods not quite premier league, so that’s us. Royal hangers-on, do anything for him, like a drink, a few laughs . . .
    BERTOLD    Laughs?
    HAROLD    Just do what we do.
    ORDULF    It’s not as easy as it looks.
    LANDOLF    Bit of a waste really. We’ve got the scenery, we’ve got the costumes, we could put on proper shows, history’s always popular, and there’s enough stuff in
Henry IV
for several tragedies. But us four—we’re stranded, nobody gives us our moves, nothing to act, it’s that old form-without-content. We’re worse off than the real ones. They were given sod-all to play, true, but they didn’t know that, so they just did what they did because that’s what they did.Life. Which means, look after number one. They sold titles and stuff. And here we are, great outfits, handsome surroundings, shame about the puppets.
    HAROLD    No, fair do’s, you have to be ready to come out with the right answer or you’re in trouble.
    LANDOLF    Yeah, that’s true.
    BERTOLD    Well, that’s it, innit? How’m I supposed to give him the right answer when I’ve been learning the wrong Henry?
    HAROLD    You’ll have to put that right right off.
    ORDULF    We’ll all pitch in.
    HAROLD    There’s lots of stuff on him, a quick skim will do you for now.
    (
indicating portrait
) Here’s one . . . who’s the skirt, do you know?
    BERTOLD    Her? Well, spot the deliberate mistake . . . she doesn’t belong, for a start, a modern picture like that . . .
    HAROLD    You’re not wrong, you’re right.
    LANDOLF    But here’s the thing—it’s only a mistake if you think of them as portraits.
    BERTOLD    Which is what they are.
    LANDOLF    They are and they aren’t. To Himself, seeing as he never touches them—
    BERTOLD    So what are they to him?
    LANDOLF    This is just my theory but I bet I’m right—to him they’re more like representations of—what you’d see in a mirror. That one is him just as he is, same clothes, in thisthrone room, which is right in every detail, no surprises. If it was a mirror, you’d see yourself in the eleventh century. So that’s what
he
sees. Himself. So it’s like mirrors reflecting back a world which comes to life in them, like it will for you, you’ll see, don’t worry.
    BERTOLD    Don’t worry?
    HAROLD    It’s a laugh.
    BERTOLD    So how did you get to be so into it . . . ?
    LANDOLF    Over nine hundred years of experience.
    ORDULF    Take your cue from us.
    BERTOLD    What about her—the Emperor’s wife?
    HAROLD    Not at all. His wife is Bertha of Susa, sister of Amadeus II of Savoy.
    ORDULF    He can’t stand her. He wants to dump her. He likes being one of the lads, like us.
    LANDOLF    (
indicating portrait
) That’s his sworn enemy—Matilda, the Countess of Tuscany.
    HAROLD    The one who put the Pope up.
    LANDOLF    At Canossa.
    ORDULF    Pope Gregory VII. We hate him. (
a bell tolls
) You’re on. Go out there an unknown, come back a star. Let’s go.
    They brace themselves to go “onstage,” move to exit, but
GIOVANNI
enters, in modern dress.
    GIOVANNI    (
hurried and anxious
) Hey . . .
psst
—Franco! Lolo!
    HAROLD    What’s up?
    BERTOLD    Hey. What’s he doing here?
    LANDOLF    Wrong century—get out!
    ORDULF    Get thee hence!—emissary of