Free Ashes and Ice by Rochelle Maya Callen Page B

if you had been, then you could explain that to me.”
    The guy sweeps the girl up and carries her into bed before they… you know. “Uh, sex?”
    She bursts out laughing. “That too. But I was talking about what it feels like to be, you know, in love. Totally, without question. Like, does that,” she points to the screen again, “exist?”
    “Yeah, I think it exists.” I think of mom and dad—the way they kissed every morning, hugged a few moments longer than anyone else, laughed so hard they cried, and cuddled, shutting out the world, looking more content than these fakers on the screen. “It exists. And in real life, it’s better than that crap.” I say, suddenly uncomfortable by the moaning coming from the TV.
    “I thought you said you’ve never been in love?”
    “I haven’t. But I’ve seen it. And I haven’t ever seen anything come close to that in the movies.”
    She opens her mouth as if about to ask a question, but then closes it and smiles, accepting my answer. “Well, it’s good that there may be something in life to look forward to.” She drops a kernel of popcorn in her mouth.
    “May be?”
    “Well nothing is guaranteed. Who knows, I may die an old spinster.” She’s smiling, but her eyes aren’t.
    I think about the movie store guy’s possessive eyes, Jesse’s chair fiasco, and Dominic’s leering, my heart. “I doubt that.”

Chapter 19
    Jade
    After nearly fifteen minutes of arguing, Connor lets me walk home alone. I need the quiet, the wide-open air, and the stars. The stars are bright and lovely. With Connor, I get subtle glimpses of that bright glow every now and then. The glow is so sporadic, though, I find that sometimes I glance around him rather than at him because I am searching for the light. I don’t know if he sees me staring.
    I take my time walking home, intentionally kicking up rocks and dust.
    I smell it before I see it, the grand magnolia tree standing strong on the corner. I pause for a moment. The smell is rich, delicate, sweet, and earthy. I walk over to it and trail my fingers over the leathery leaves. They are so perfectly smooth and cool to the touch, it is refreshing against the humid air. I close my eyes and get a flash of laughter and sunlight. I snap my eyes open and stare blankly into the shadows. Where did that come from?
    I pull a flower from the branch and cradle it in my hand like something precious. As I turn to keep walking, I feel electricity pricking my skin. It tingles all over. I spin around and stare into the darkness, jerking left to right, spinning forward to look for whatever may be closing in, but I see nothing and even before I pivot all the way around, the feeling is gone.
    I walk home and hear Nanan’s friends laughing in the dining room. I peek in. “Hey, Nanan. I’m back.”
    “Oh my darlin’! Have fun? Where were you off to?”
    “I watched a movie with a boy down the street.”
    “That’s good, darlin’. I like that boy. Good blood in his family.”
    I don’t know what that means, but I smile. “Well, if you need me, I’ll be upstairs.”
    “’Kay, honey. Don’t mind us old ladies.” The five elderly ladies huddle around a table, cards in hand. But as I look at them, I realize the cards aren’t like the ones Connor’s uncles used. They have strange symbols and colorful images sprawled across them. “Need something, hon?” Nanan’s voice pulls me away from the cards.
    “Uh, no, Nanan.” I smile at her. I walk upstairs and grab a towel and I realize something, a good something: there haven’t been any new killings reported. I sigh loudly in relief.
    I take a hot shower, letting the water invigorate me so I feel clean and alive.
    Stepping out, I dry off and almost wipe the mirror clean, but find myself grazing my fingers along the glass clearing a path in the condensation. I draw my symbol, loving the way it twists and swirls and is punctuated by lines and slashes. I trace it again and again until the lines start