machine in front of Biff Bruinâs Pharmacy.
âOr Grizzly Gusâs flannel pajamas,â said Lizzy as they passed the Gus place, where Mrs. Gus was hanging out the wash.
Theyâre right, thought Ralph as he looked out over the town. The whole town seemed to be mocking him: the fire hydrants, the gumball machines, the flannel pajamas. Also the houses, stores, and garages. Even the birdies in the trees seemed to be laughing at Ralphâs pitiful effort to sell those fake four-leaf clovers.
Ralph slowed to a stop. He sat on the curb. It was as though he were a balloon and suddenly the air had gone out of him. The scouts were taken aback. They werenât used to seeing Ralph in such a condition. They were used to seeing him striding along in his green plaid suit, straw hat, and spats, twirling his cane, always prepared to pick a pocket, cheat an orphan, or rob a widow. It almost seemed as if suddenly the rain had started to fall up, as if fleas had dogs, as if pigs could fly.
Ralph was mumbling something. The scouts moved in close to hear. âItâs over,â he was saying.
âWhatâs over?â asked Fred.
âMy career. Iâm finished,â said Ralph. âMighty Ralph Ripoffâwinner of the Swindler of the Year Award, king of pickpockets, master of the sleeve cardâis down to selling phony four-leaf clovers.â
He sighed. âYou have no idea how bad itâs been. I just seem to have lost my touch. Why, I tried to pick a pocket the other day and all I got for my trouble was a mousetrap.â
âWhat about that shell game?â asked Brother. âYou know, the one where you have three shells and you move âem around real quick and thereâs a bean under one of them.â
âAh, yes. The old shell game.â He laughed bitterly. âMy hand used to be quicker than the eye. But, alas, no more. I was working it the other day. Not only did the sucker pick the right shell, but when I picked it up there was a mouse under it eating the bean.â Ralph shook his head. âNo, Iâve got to face it. Iâve lost my touch. But even worse: Iâve lost my confidence. And when someone in my line of work loses his confidence, then itâs time to . . .â
âLOOK FOR A REGULAR JOB!â shouted the scouts as one.
âA regular job?â said Ralph.
âThatâs right,â said Brother. âA regular, honest job.â
âHmm,â said Ralph. âWhat sort of job?â
âYou could be a clerk in a store,â said Sister.
âInteresting idea,â said Ralph. âI could give the wrong change and pocket the difference.â
âOr checkout bear at the supermarket,â said Lizzy.
âUh-huh,â said Ralph. âThink of all the coupons I could steal!â
âYou could work in the forest with my dad, chopping down trees,â said Brother.
âIn these clothes?â said Ralph, standing up and dusting himself off. Somehow the air had gotten pumped back into Ralphâs balloon. âLook, friends, I appreciate your concern. I really do. But I have to look at myself in the mirror every day just as everyone else does, and I donât think I could handle the shame of it.â
âThe shame of what?â asked Brother.
âThe shame of a regular, honest job,â said Ralph. He reached into his pocket and took out the plastic bag of fake four-leaf clovers. âI can let you have the whole bunch real cheap.â
âRalph,â said Sister, âyouâre impossible.â
âI try to be,â said Ralph. And off he went, twirling his cane.
Chapter 3
Soil Scouts
The scouts headed back to the library, where they had some important merit-badge work to do. They had been disappointed when Professor Actual Factual suggested that they try for the Soil Conservation Merit Badge next. âSoil conservation?â theyâd complained.
âI know it
Newt Gingrich, Pete Earley
Cara Shores, Thomas O'Malley