Free A Man of Value by Anna Markland Page A

out of the chapel the Almoner gave Mother Superior a message. The woman went off in the direction of her office and didn’t join them for supper. Agneta cast a glance at the newcomers who were nodding their grateful thanks to the nuns serving them. No Caedmon. Her heart plummeted. She could barely get the food past her lips.
    She noticed one of the older refugees, in the garb of a maidservant, examining the faces of all the nuns with great interest, as if looking for someone. When her eyes caught Agneta’s, the woman smiled. She managed to return the smile. After all, this poor woman had undergone a long, difficult journey. No-one in this group was in need of attention in the Infirmary and Agneta had no opportunity to speak to them before entering the chapel for Compline. She thought she heard the Almoner welcoming someone again, but it seemed late for that.
    As she left the torment of Compline, the Sacrist whispered a message. “Mother wants to see you. In her office.”
    “Now?”
    “Immediately.”

 
    CHAPTER TEN
    “I don’t understand, Mother. Why am I being denied final vows? You wanted me to become a nun.” Agneta was at a loss to comprehend why the stern woman had told her bluntly she wouldn’t be making her final vows. Inwardly it was an immense relief. The idea of living out her life in the remote abbey filled her with dread, though she enjoyed tending the sick and injured in the infirmary. But where would she go? What would she do? She had no family to turn to.
    The woman’s mouth was stern. “I did, my child, I did. But to be a good nun, a woman needs to be detached from worldly things. You’ve had difficulty with that. You become too involved with people.”
    “But I—”
    The Superior raised her hand. “The decision has been made, my child. Gather your things together, if you wish, and make plans for yourself. You can stay here as long as you need refuge. We won’t turn you out to be destitute, but you’ll not be joining the community.”
    Agneta was thunderstruck. She felt the same lonely desolation she had on the day of the raid on her home, and cried herself to sleep that night, desperately trying not to let the other novices hear her sobs.
    Mayda appeared at her side. “What’s wrong, Agneta?”
    “The nuns have rejected me. I’m not to be allowed to make my vows.”
    Mayda put her arm around Agneta’s trembling shoulders. “Oh, Agneta. Why?”
    She rested her head on her friend’s shoulder. “I don’t know. I’ve tried hard to be a good nun, haven’t I?”
    Mayda rocked her and she must have fallen asleep, exhausted. She woke before two in the morning and started to dress for Lauds, then remembered and fell back on her pallet, sobbing. At dawn, an elderly nun came for her habit and gave her an outfit of lay clothing. It felt strange to put on the simple chemise and dress. There was no wimple, only a hooded woolen cloak. She suddenly missed the hated coif and hoped her ugly hair would grow quickly.
    “Perhaps Mother is right. I care too much about worldly things. She must have noticed how unhappy I’ve been since Caedmon left. I can’t understand why my thoughts keep drifting to a man I should hate.”
    She decided to go to the garden. Caedmon had found some answers there, perhaps she would too. She sat shivering on the cold stone bench, beneath a leafless willow tree, staring at her hands clasped in her lap. How long had he been there before she felt his presence beside her? She sensed who it was before she looked up. Her heart thudded in her ears.
    “What are you doing here, Caedmon?” she asked, struggling to make her frozen legs work as she stood, fretting over her clothing and her hair. She drew the hood tighter.
    “I came for you, Agneta.”
    He moved towards her, but she backed away. “I told you I wouldn’t go with you. There’s too much hatred between us. I could never love you.”
    He moved quickly to place his hands on her shoulders, and drew her to his body.