Free A Really Awesome Mess by Trish Cook Page A

I rolled my eyes and caught Emmy’s eyes, which were also rolling. Nobody said anything for a minute. Which stretched into two. Which stretched into five, and then it was really, really awkward.
    Tina was the first one to break the silence. “So,” Tina said. “We’ve got another thirty minutes. Do you guys want to say anything, or are we just going to sit here?”
    “I wanna play a game!” Diana said, and everybody groaned, probably picturing a torturous round of Sorry or Monopoly.
    “Well, Diana, what game would you like to play?”
    “The ass game!”
    “Uh, Diana, I’m not sure what that is, but I don’t think—”
    “Substitute ass for heart in any song title. Go!” She pointed at Emmy.
    “Um. ‘Achy Breaky Ass’?” I laughed at that one, as did Chip, but nobody else was impressed.
    Tina sputtered, “Emmy, please, the language—”
    “ ‘Ass of Stone’!” Chip piped in. Crickets.
    “I don’t know American music,” Mohammed said.
    “Jenny?” Diana said. “Not talkin’, huh? Okay, you get a song Kanye West wrote about Emmy. ‘Assless.’ ”
    Everybody, even Emmy and Mohammed, laughed at that one. Tina was still offering feeble protests, but now it was in full swing, and we were all shouting titles out. “ ‘Assbeat’!” “ ‘Ass-Shaped Box’!” “ ‘Jar of Asses’!” “ ‘Stereo Asses’!” “ ‘Ass-break Hotel’!”
    And finally Tina had had enough. She stood up, red-faced, and yelled, “All of you! Stop it right now! Now, I’m sorry you had a disappointment this week, but that doesn’t mean you get to flout every rule at Assland—Heartland Academy!”
    Nobody said anything for a second. And then Diana piped up with, “Assland Academy? Tina, that is genius! Assland!”
    “No, guys, listen, I misspoke with the—” Tina tried to protest,but everybody was laughing so loud and hard she couldn’t get her sentence out.
    “Assland Academy,” Chip said, “a Caring Place!”
    “Nestled in the Ass of America, Assland Academy provides a therapeutic setting …” Emmy added.
    “Nestled in the ass!” I panted between laughs. “Good one! Tina, this is a winner! I haven’t laughed this hard since I got to Assland!”
    Tina waited patiently, blushing, until we stopped laughing. It took awhile.
    “Okay, guys. I’m not knocking you down a level for this because I’m happy that you got through your rough time, and, apart from Diana’s Kanye West remark, none of it was really abusive—”
    “Have you seen this girl?” Diana asked. “It’s just accurate.”
    Emmy shrugged. “True. Even when I was a tub I never had much of a butt.”
    Tina nodded. “Great. Anyway, I want to give you guys another chance to work together.” She offered us a double-or-nothing deal. Two hours with the iPods and twenty extra minutes on the phone for another week of good behavior. I looked around the circle and saw the wheels turning in everyone’s mind. What could I do with the extra time? Did last week’s deals still hold, or were we in new territory here?
    All was answered at dinner. “So last week’s deals are still ineffect,” Mohammed said when everybody had brought their tray back to the table.
    “No way,” Diana said. “I want to renegotiate.” I’d give the kid this. She had balls of steel. I was also happy because if she wanted to renegotiate, that was gonna give me two hours with the iPod. I had a semi just thinking about it.
    It wasn’t Mohammed who stepped in to keep her in line, though. It was Emmy. “As the person who blew the original deal, you’re not really in the position to dictate terms.”
    “Yeah, actually I am,” Diana said. “Because a) I started the ass game that resulted in the greatest name for this place ever. And b) I don’t care. I’ll go off right now and wreck the whole week for all of you. I don’t care. So you have to make me care. And Daniel Radcliffe isn’t enough. I want out.”
    Everybody looked around. “Out,” Chip