Free The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl by Shauna Reid Page A

fitness levels,” I guess they don’t classify “welded to the couch” as a level of fitness. I was far too big to do the moves; my body refused to bend or stretch. At one point we did a Pilates roll-down maneuver, in which you sit on the floor with your hands hugged around your knees. You gradually unfurl your spine to the floor, vertebra by vertebra, then gently peel back up.
    I managed to roll down, but I got stuck. I rocked and grunted and flapped my arms and legs but I just couldn’t roll back up! I made the mistake of looking in the mirror and got the shock of my life. I looked like a dying cockroach twitching on a kitchen floor. A giant, red-faced, dying cockroach.
    When did I get so hideous? Where did all those chins and tummy rolls come from? And whatever happened to my neck?
    Somehow I made it to the end of the class, but afterward I fled to the car and sobbed. Rhiannon tried to comfort me but I was speechless with rage and disgust. I wanted to scratch off my skin and rip my hair out. I couldn’t shake that horrid image of me sprawled out on the floor, completely devoid of dignity. How could that be me? How did I let it happen?
    You’d think an experience like that would have spurred me into action. But instead I vowed never to return to the gym and got busy gathering up a few more pounds.
    But that was almost a year ago and I’m a lot bolder these days. Thankfully, the Fit Ball demographic looked much less intimidating—there were plenty of baggy T-shirts and even a few dimpled thighs.
    Kristy gave me a little wave and a smile as we all sat down on our balls.
    “OK, ladies,” she said. “Let’s get ready to bounce!”
    Bounce? Now that’s a verb you don’t want to hear at my size. My body bounces just walking across the street, so why would I want to make it bounce on purpose?
    Turns out there are a million different things you can do on a rubber ball. We bounced up and down; we rolled from side to side. We kicked our legs in all directions, waved our hands around in the air, tossed the ball above our heads, lunged, squatted, then bounced around some more.
    Kristy told us to use our abdominal muscles for balance, but no amount of gut-clenching stopped me falling off a dozen times. By the time I managed to get a rhythm going, the rest of the class had moved on to something else. Or I’d see Rhiannon’s arms flailing like a deranged puppet and fall off again in a fit of giggles.
    The class was the perfect example of my Jekyll and Hyde extremes. One minute I was snorting with laughter and amazed that exercise could actually be fun, the next I was gloomily counting my fat rolls and comparing myself to my classmates. Despite all the pounds I’ve lost, I was still twice the size of the biggest woman. And only half as coordinated!
    As the hour wore on, my spirit slumped along with my posture. Why did you come here? my brain churned bitterly. This is just as crap as that BodyBalance class. You’re even rounder than that ball!
    This whole love-hate relationship with my body is exhausting. How do you tame that negative voice? How do you learn to like yourself? I’d settle for mere tolerance, just enough to make me believe I’m worth all this effort.
    But I can’t run away this time. I’ll go back to the class next week. I’ll keep on going and I’ll get better at it. These days, I’m not the kind of girl who gives up.
WEEK 31
August 13
271 pounds
80 pounds lost—106 to go
    STOP PRESS!
    LOCAL WOMAN DISCOVERS BOOBS ARE BIGGER THAN GUT
    A young Australian woman was astounded to find today that her breasts actually stick out further than her stomach.
    The woman, who would only be identified as “Dietgirl,” discovered this phenomenon when checking out her own reflection in a shop window.
    “It was in the post office,” said Miss Dietgirl. “I got the shock of my life when I caught a glimpse in the glass and there they were! Just sitting up like that, as if they were their own entity.”
    Miss