Free Recovery by John Berryman Page B

Mother; utter admiration—my first literary subject, after the ASPCA gold-medal essay, my first prize eh? Or was it the state-wide spelling award? Second prize. The taller dark girl made “syzygy.” ’

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    â€˜WELL, STACK,’ Harley began Group on Monday morning, ‘what happened this time? I’ve known you how many years is it, but you better fill the others in a little. You’ve been in treatment how many times?’
    â€˜Eight times, Harley! Eight times!’ His heavy voice managed to be at once explosive and sad. Severance was shocked by that record and moved by the powerful ruinous sight of him: a large fierce face, furrowed and bald above slit eyes with great hollows under them, large working hands clenched on his thighs, elbows out. ‘I don’t
know, I just don’t know. Thirty-five years with the company and they fired me the day I was discharged from Howarden this time. I guess I just started drinking! The wife was on my side but I just couldn’t stop!’
    â€˜Wait a minute,’ said Keg. ‘Why did they fire you?’
    â€˜I can’t understand it! Every week Eric sent in a report on my progress. It came as a blow, Harley!’
    â€˜How many weeks were you there?’
    â€˜Seven. They just kept me on and on. I guess the company couldn’t understand why I didn’t get out in three, like always.’
    â€˜What’s that? How many times have you been at Howarden, Stack?’
    â€˜Four times, Harley.’
    â€˜And you still expected to be discharged in three weeks? How many patients are discharged after three weeks?’
    â€˜Nobody!’ Stack sounded angry.
    â€˜How about you, the previous times?’
    â€˜Well, four months was the longest. They gave me a kitchen job but I went on going to lectures and all, they didn’t think it was a good idea for me to leave.’
    â€˜And your boss put up with that, he took you back?’
    â€˜Sure. We was good friends.’
    â€˜But after all that history, you still expected to get out in three weeks?’
    â€˜I just don’t understand it.’ Stack shook his big head.
    â€˜Neither do I,’ said Harley. ‘But why did they let you go then this time, after sticking by you for so long?’
    â€˜I’ll tell you, Harley: it’s a mystery. The wife and me couldn’t understand it!’
    â€˜How did you feel about it?’
    â€˜Oh, I may have been a little resentful at first. But right away—’
    â€˜For Christ’s sake,’ Keg broke in. ‘A little resentful! After thirty-five years they suddenly let you go—what reason did they give?’

    â€˜No reason, Keg. They just said fired.’
    â€˜And you took that? Did you go see him and ask why?’
    â€˜No, I didn’t.’
    â€˜Why not?’
    â€˜Well, I just—I don’t know why not! Stop picking on me!’
    â€˜I never heard such crap,’ Keg said with disgust. ‘You’re unbelievable. First you expect to get out in three weeks when nobody ever has, then your company fires you on the day seven weeks later when you actually do get out, and you’re “a little resentful.” Right this minute you’re boiling with rage.’
    â€˜No I’m not, Keg,’ Stack said in a strange, even sweet voice, glaring murder. ‘It was only because I couldn’t understand it, that’s all. It was a big disappointment to me and the wife, so I started drinking.’ His body was trembling with anger.
    â€˜Well, God knows we sympathize with you, Stack,’ said Harley gently, ‘only there is not one single part of your story that makes any sense whatever. How do you feel about coming back into treatment for the eighth time?’
    â€˜I’m going to try hard, Harley!’ shouted Stack. ‘I’m going to make it this time. I gotta! The wife is with me!’
    â€˜You’ve got to get in