âIâll put my bag together tonight so we can just get up and go.â
I stopped and discreetly examined Seth as he continued to prance with childlike glee. Would I need to pack clothes for him? I didnât think so; his clothes and shoes seemed as much a part of him as his own skin. How was he even wearing clothes? I guess that was as much of a mystery as the very presence of him. Maybe the old expression âclothes make the manâ is even more of a truism than we realize. I decided it best to let Seth take the lead; I would let him tell me what he needed.
âWhat would you like to pack, buddy?â I asked him. âLetâs get everything you need ready tonight so we can get an early start in the morning.â
He excitedly bolted up the stairs, beckoning for me to follow. I followed after retrieving his Buzz Lightyear suitcase from the hall closet. Thank God it had not been donated along with his cereal bowl.
A few moments after opening the suitcase on his bed it was filled with three Star Wars figures, Sethâs teddy bear, Luke, and a dozen or so assorted Spider-Man and Batman comics.
âIs that all you need?â I asked with a tone urging him to think about it. âRemember, we are going to be gone several days and you want to take everything you will need,â I added, putting special emphasis on need.
He nodded his head and then responded like he had just read my mind.
âYep, I think so. I canât wear any of my clothes, they wonât stay on me ⦠I already tried. I guess Iâll just wear this the whole trip,â he said with a quick spin like he was modeling for me. He paused as a serious expression washed over his face.
âMomma wouldnât let me wear the same clothes more than once. She would tell me she ainât raising no stinky boy.â
A lump welled up in my throat as I thought of Ann. I had heard her tell Seth that on more than one occasion. He had his comfortable favorites he liked to wear and wear often, but hey, donât we all? I fought back a tear as I reassured him.
âI donât think Momma would mind buddy. Besides, itâs just you and me ⦠a guyâs trip,â I said with a wink.
Yes indeed, it was going to be a guyâs trip and like most guys, I pack light. Just the necessities. Fifteen minutes later, both of our bags were packed and stacked neatly by the door. Seth climbed in bed with me. To my surprise, he informed me that he had slept quite a bit in the past two weeks. I donât know why he has to sleep, but at least thatâs one more thing we have in common. I was tempted to turn on the radio and get an update but I decided against it. What were the âexpertsâ going to tell me? That this is going away in the morning and everything will be back the way it was? I didnât want to hear it. I would at least enjoy tonight, one quiet night with my son.
After a long period of conversation, mainly Seth telling me in great detail everything he wanted to see at the Smithsonian, he drifted off to sleep. I fought it as long as I could, fearing what the morning may bring. I wanted to relish every moment with Seth.
Rest was hard to come by as I lay awake watching him sleep. I was scared: scared to take my eyes off him, afraid that he could be gone at any moment. I was terrified of losing him again. I donât think I could take the pain.
As I considered my sleeping son, other possibilities began to float through my head. My parents had been gone now for almost 14 years. Did they stay? Did Annâs parents stay? My heart leapt with anticipation at the prospect. If they had, they were not here and their home on the other side of town was now occupied by a young family. Surely they would have called me if they had unexpected guests. Well, unless they had fled in terror. My dad, with his gruff exterior, had that impact on people even when he was alive.
As much as I would like to see my mom and
Renata McMann, Summer Hanford