Free Savage (Daughters of the Jaguar) by Willow Rose Page B

voices and the images that were still there. I found it hard to talk to anyone about it since I was scared they would think I was going mad and lock me up. I wasn't going crazy, I knew I wasn't. These voices were real. What I had seen that night when I died was real. I still knew how to distinguish between reality and fantasy. But no one believed me.
     
    I had carefully mentioned the voices to my physician when I went in to ask to be taken off the medicine. He had decided to take my stitches out while I was there anyway since it was time and the wounds were healing nicely. But mentioning the voices turned out to be a huge mistake. He started asking me questions about the voices, if they were telling me to "do stuff I didn't want to."
    "They have been telling me to say stuff," I said.
    "Hm," the doctor replied with concern in his voice. "Like what?"
    "I told a woman she was pregnant."
    "Didn't she know that?"
    I shook my head. "No. You couldn't even tell yet."
    "So how did you know?"
    "I didn't. The voices told me she was."
    "Hm." He tapped on the table with his pen. "What else are they telling you? Do they ever tell you to hurt anyone?"
    "No. It's more like stuff.  You know. Things. I can't really tell what they say most of the time. It is more like words and pictures that makes no sense."
    "Pictures? You have delusions as well?"
    "I guess. This is bad, isn't it?"
    The doctor's mouth turned downwards. He didn't look into my eyes. I was afraid he was going to have me committed right there on the spot against my will. "I'll say we get you off the medicine and then see what happens. You say it all started after the accident, right?"
    "Right. When I woke up the voices were there and the images as well. Constantly flickering through my head."
    "Hm. Maybe you're just exhausted. Your brain needs rest after a traumatic event like this. Maybe you didn't respond well to the anesthetics after all. It could be some sort of aftereffect. It could also have been caused by the traumatic shock from being pulled under water. Maybe being dead for several minutes caused some sort of damage to your nervous system. Do you have any headaches or anxiety attacks?"
    "No."
    "Okay. Let's keep an eye on it. Let me know if it gets any worse and we'll have you see someone about it. Or maybe give you some other medication."
    "You mean like antipsychotics?" I asked knowing that those were the medications they used for people who had Schizophrenia.
    "Yes or maybe a mood stabilizer will do. Something like that might be able to help you. Or maybe we should consider hospitalization if nothing else works."
    That scared me. I had heard numerous stories from my father of people in long-term hospitalization for mental illnesses like Schizophrenia and being treated with lots of drugs and electro-shock and never leaving the hospital again.
    So I decided the doctor couldn't help me with this. I called him up the next day and told him that I was doing fine, that taking me off the medication had already helped and the voices were all gone. There was no need to worry. After I put down the phone I decided never to talk to anyone about it again.
     
    On the night Jim arrived to the house I heard Jim and Heather's voices from downstairs in the hallway. Curiosity got the better of me so I went down the stairs and found them talking quietly by the entrance door. I hadn’t quite figured out what was going on between Heather and me any longer, if there was still anything between us or not. We were friends, I guess, and she was being very protective of me always asking if I was in pain, if I wanted anything or if she could do anything for me—which I found really nice. I didn’t know if she looked upon us as a couple, though. We hadn’t kissed since that night in the water and her father had told me to keep my hands off of her, so I did. Furthermore I didn’t feel like being romantic or involved with anyone right now. I had told her that. I was in a state of deep