take the long way,” was Cash’s remark as he led the way with his hands and helped me up to where Andy was sitting only to present me with an overflowing bouquet of white and pink roses.
“Happy birthday, baby,” he said and kissed me on the lips as I sat to receive them. I sat between my darlings and smiled from ear to ear as we enjoyed the ride just for fun.
Later on I waited until mother arrived for us all to drive to the dinner together to step out in my gown. I did so softly and shyly almost, wearing the most delicate shoes and light pink earrings.
“Oh my lord!” Mom cried, and the boys gasped the same with wows, “you are a real princess,” she said and I almost thought she might cry for a second. I did a slight twirl and for the rest of the evening enjoyed being on top of my birthday world, my cake and the city, as feeling once again like the luckiest woman to walk the night.
*****
Days without Andrew went on for both of us with an air of dragging and we felt his absence, though tried not to show it and keep ourselves busy. Cash was out of town here and there himself, so I simply stayed on task. I took lots of bubble baths, went for massages twice and sometimes three times a week, I shopped and I read and I wrote. Days rounded, weeks passed and things felt a little different, more than I could pinpoint why, and I felt it veered from just Andy’s absence.
I was quietly enjoying a book and some iced tea out at the park by myself when Cash called me.
“Hey, I just got in, I thought you’d be home around this time of the month,” he said almost jokingly but sounded quite serious in undertone actually.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Holly, I… can you come home?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few,” I said and we hung up. Something was wrong. I walked in the door and he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Holly, listen, I didn’t want you to worry but…” I raised my eyes to question and sat across from him. “I got a call a week ago that Andy’s team hadn’t responded and disappeared. I didn’t want to worry you. They assured me that the divers were probably fine but protocol was to call it in. Today they’ve called me and it’s way worse. Their main ship was found abandoned and damaged, no sign of the divers and no radio call for 8 days now. The officer I spoke to said they won’t close the case but considering their location and nature of the dives they were doing they’ve all thrown in the towel.”
I stood up, “What!? Thrown in the towel?!”
“He said they wouldn’t stop looking but that from the way it seemed there was little to no hope.” I sat silent. It would do no good to be angry, I heard what words he was given. I stared of with a surge of desperation creep up and put my face in my hands and just cried.
“We just have to wait to hear,” he said, and hugged me.
Those days were long and there was something much bigger to pass the time about now. I didn’t take bubble baths. I didn’t get massages. Or shop. Or read. I just stared off and waited. Meanwhile there was a bigger worry brewing in the back of my mind, which with what was going on, I could only keep private. Mother would come over to comfort me and bring me food but with all the emotions and lack of definition to life, I felt helpless. I missed him. He was the sweetest man alive, he just couldn’t go like this. Andy wasn’t much of a fighter, he was strong and would surprise you, but… I just couldn’t accept that he was gone.
Cash was out of sorts, too and began to drink heavily to forget everything, and he didn’t know what to do. He kept saying he wanted to go find him, but knowing he didn’t have a clue where to look or how to do it better than who was already, he stayed with me.
The summer began to look hot out and I barely left the house, I just couldn’t bear to do anything . I often found myself just standing at the window and
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