Free Tidal Patterns (Golden Shores Book 1) by Rachelle Paige Page B

that he hadn’t figured out yet.
    “What can I say? I’m exactly where I always wanted to be,” Phil interrupted his thoughts. “I have a wife and a son, own a business, and can walk to the beach every day. What more could I want?”
    Over the last decade, he’d never been envious of his friend and they’d had plenty of history together. But now? It gave him pause. He was happy for him. Long gone was the perpetually stressed, tightly wound guy who’d snap at the smallest infraction. In his place was the relaxed, happy, family man.
    “I was always jealous of you,” Phil continued.
    Mark snapped his head to focus on his friend. “Jealous of me? Why?”
    “You always knew what you wanted. You worked the hardest. And you are definitely the most fearless guy I know.”
    “I don’t know how fearless I am anymore. I’d love to do what you do. Work for myself, have a home and a family. I’ve never had any of that.”
    “It’s not as perfect as it looks. I’m still working all the time. I don’t ever seem to have enough time in my day. And I hate the moments when I let my stress come out and make me short with my family.”
    Hearing about the problems in Phil’s life with his family didn’t discourage him from wanting what they had. Because even with their troubles, they still had each other. They supported and loved each other and sacrificed for each other. I want that.
    Mark clenched his jaw, remembering the drunken confession of his father when he was only fifteen, telling him that he had never been wanted. Even though he hadn’t been told so before, he’d understood it through their actions since he was little. Leaving at eighteen, he’d never looked back. 
    “Yeah, I get that. But you are working for yourself. You’d work as hard here as you would managing a big box store. Only here, all that hard work is funneled into your enterprise. You’re building something for your family.” His voice cracked with emotion. Draining the tumbler, he set the glass on the bar.
    “You’ll get that too, one day.”
    “I thought I had,” Mark mumbled.
    Phil grabbed the empty tumbler from in front of him and refilled it. He slid the drink across the smooth, well-worn top of the walnut bar. He grabbed a tumbler and poured himself a drink too. He raised his glass to Mark and took a long sip before putting it back down on the counter.
    “Everything will come together for you. But it’s going to happen in time. You can’t rush,” Phil told him.
    Mark closed his eyes and took a drink. He didn’t want to talk about his ex anymore or how he’d worked himself into the ground to forget her. Coming over to talk to Phil about the job had somehow shifted into poking at his old wounds. He couldn’t be mad at Phil. But he’d learned that ripping off a bandage never got any easier. And the cuts he’d been hiding underneath hadn’t even begun to heal.
    Mark drained his scotch, opened his eyes, and put down the glass.
    “Thanks, but I’m done.”
    “Do you need a ride?”
    The creases in Phil’s forehead and the seriousness of his eyes belied his concern. He’d always been there, even when Mark hadn’t realized he’d needed someone.
    “You can spend the night if you want,” Phil continued.
    Mark shook his head. “No thanks. I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine. I’ll catch up with you later.”
    Phil nodded and turned back to help another customer. He’d neglected the others for too long and the wait staff needed his help attending the crowd. Mark walked back to his car, and drove the few miles to home.
    He didn’t know what hurt him about his situation. Was he upset about losing the direction he thought he was going in? Or losing her? No, he shook his head. Not her. He hated that now he questioned every moment they’d spent together, searching for a clue or a sign. As if there was a way he’d be able to avoid making the same mistake again. No matter how much he went back and thought about their time