Free Independent Jenny by Sarah Louise Smith Page A

regularly and went swimming together. Ross wasn’t a strong swimmer, so I’d go with Aiden and we’d swim up and down and have a chat between sets of lengths. We also met up for lunch quite regularly as Aiden’s office wasn’t far from mine.
    Aiden had always been nice to me. I’d done a wedding once where someone had died, right there in front of me. It was the bride’s grandfather and it was awful. I was just taking some shots of him with the bride when he just collapsed, gasping for breath in front of me. Everyone ran to help, an ambulance was called, but he was dead before they arrived. The whole wedding party was in tears. It was devastating to watch.
    I returned home, earlier than I’d expected, and Ross and Aiden were in the living room watching a film. They paused it when I came in and I told them what’d happened.
    “He just died, just like that, while I was photographing him,” I told them, getting tearful.
    “I hope they don’t want their money back,” Ross said. “It’s hardly your fault that the wedding was ruined.”
    “I’m going to offer them a refund. Or a free photo shoot, or something,” I said, having already thought about it on my way home.
    “That’s nice,” Aiden said, smiling at me. “You want a cup of tea?”
    “That’d be lovely, thank you Aiden.”
    He went and made tea while Ross went on about how I shouldn’t lose money because ‘some old codger’ chose today of all days to die.
    “I’m sure he didn’t choose it,” I said, sighing. Aiden brought my tea and I took a sip, then cried a little. He put his arm around me.
    “Why are you crying?” Ross asked. “You didn’t know him.”
    “Come on Ross,” Aiden said gently, “it must’ve been pretty upsetting.”
    I smiled my gratitude at my brother-in-law.
    When I thought about times like that, he was the nicer brother. He was the one who paid attention and really listened to me when I spoke. He took more interest in what I had to say and showed empathy when I needed it. He made an effort, not just with me, but with all the women he’d been with. He’d had a number of girlfriends and he always treated them well, with little gestures like holding open doors, buying them flowers, being affectionate and sweet.
    Ross had started off that way, but all those little kindnesses had slowly stopped, and for the first time since he confessed to me, I did wonder if this was partly my fault, too. We didn’t talk much these days … he was right, I spent more time with Shane than I did him, and I did feel closer to Shane, too.
    I didn’t touch Ross often, or seduce him like I used to. When had that changed? When I pictured his face, I didn’t feel an attraction anymore. Was that just a recent thing? Why hadn’t I noticed until now? Was I really so complacent and oblivious to my own feelings?
    Aiden loved me, and I was certainly attracted to him, no doubt about that.
    Yet I couldn’t quite picture myself separating all of mine and Ross’ things, moving out of this house. I was still in love with him, no matter what he had done. The realisation made me open my eyes again with surprise. Of course, I still loved him. I couldn’t fall out of love just like that, despite my anger and the pain he’d caused. I sighed and let my mind swirl for a while, comparing Ross and Aiden, wondering how they’d each feel if they knew my thoughts right now; wondering who I might be happier with.
    I had to clear my head while away. I couldn’t go on feeling this confused for long or I’d go mad. I closed my eyes again and pictured the green landscape, the waterfalls, lochs and panoramic views I’d admired on Hayley’s iPad. I imagined myself standing at the top of a mountain, Wentworth by my side, and dark clouds above my head slowly dispersing. The space, peace and tranquillity would surely hep me to figure all this out and I’d make a decision, and come back sure of what I wanted.
    Content at the thought, I finally fell