Free Flowing with the Go by Elena Stowell Page B

nasty-tasting supplements and followed through on her regimens. It was baby steps. And I didn’t agree to everything. I adamantly refused to give up coffee for a long time. I didn’t find “mindful time” every day. But I did honor the process. When I said I would do something, I did. And I started to see results. I didn’t lose weight for a while, but I did get smaller, more toned. I definitely saw a change in my energy level, and I slept better. I began to feel like I could think more clearly.
    When Lisa suggested something, she would also explain why she was suggesting it. She knew that I was a science person so she always included the biochemistry behind the nutritional suggestions, and I always got to see my laboratory results. There is a part of me that responds best to the numbers—the facts that drive the reality home. Lisa reinforced many things about nutrition that I knew, but had only dabbled in and certainly had not participated in for over a year. I had come to the point where I had nothing to lose (but weight), so I listened to everything she said.
    Naturally, my improved health was a plus on the mat. I felt more energized and had more stamina. I had a more positive outlook about myself and my future. I learned that the choices I had been making to comfort myself were not healthy choices, and they affected how I competed. When I felt pressured, my Old Self would grab a bottle of wine and some Oreo’s and hit the couch. I learned to ask myself, “Do you really want to do this? You know how you will feel tomorrow. Is it worth it?” With this new attitude, Lisa helped me hone my nutritional plan while I trained for Worlds. Yes, beet juice does help build endurance. And mentally, Lisa taught me how to relax my mind. We talked about my goals: how I had always wanted to have a plan, but did not want to become obsessive about it. I had been directionless for long time. When I would finally decide to do something, I had always given it up after a couple of weeks—except the Jiu-Jitsu.
    So I admitted to Lisa that I was afraid, afraid that too much focus on any one thing would bring back my stress. I no longer wanted to ride an aimless wave; however, I wanted goals to be my guide and to allow myself permission to waiver occasionally. I wanted to be well, but I didn’t want the process to control my life. I didn’t need any more stress.
    Lisa taught me that FEAR is “Forgetting Everything is All Right.”
    â€œWe see the world not as it is, but as we are.”
    â€” The Talmud
    My work with Lisa also taught me to be more patient and present with others. It was hard for me to be patient and present when my modus operandi had become give-up, breakdown, self-destruct, and feel guilty about it. I learned not to react impulsively to protect myself. Instead, I learned to slow down, breathe, and think about the consequences of my choices. I listen more intentionally. I accept that everyone has a different context from which they are operating.
    For a long time, I did not see the world as a place I wanted to be in because I didn’t think the world wanted me in my grieving state. Now I try to consider that whatever it is that people are saying or doing stems from roots we cannot possibly see, from something deep inside them with which they are struggling. Sometimes we do because we cannot say , and sometimes we say because we cannot do . Life is not an exam with only one way to solve the problem. Everybody’s problem is different, and everybody’s route to the answer is different.

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Toleration
    â€œBe miserable or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
    â€” Wayne Dyer
    W ith Lisa, my internal healing wasn’t all about biochemistry. It also involved controlling my stress and anxiety so that I could level my emotional playing field. One way that we worked on this was through an exercise where you reduce your