Free Lipstick Apology by Jennifer Jabaley Page A

had some big mystery secret that I still don’t understand, and I feel sad all over again.” Do not cry! Do not cry!
    Anthony had a crease between his eyebrows that made him look confused.
    â€œYou saw, right?” I asked, blinking rapidly. “About my mom, and her message on the tray table?”
    He bit his lip. “Uh-huh,” he said. “Yes.” His crease grew deeper, and his eyebrows came so close together they almost touched. “Are you saying that you never figured out why your mom was apologizing?”
    I shook my head and looked down at my two lines of calculations.
    â€œDid you look?” he asked. “For an answer, did you look?”
    It felt slightly accusatory. I sat up a little straighter. I thought back to the three months I spent lying horizontal on the couch, ingesting carbs and channel surfing.
    â€œOh,” he said.
    â€œOh—what?” I asked, looking back up at him and seeing his brown eyes filled with, what? Pity? “WHAT?” I said again more aggressively.
    â€œNever mind,” Anthony said, picking up his calculator.
    I grabbed the Casio out of his hand and smacked it down on the table. “No,” I said. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
    There were fifteen seconds of silence.
    Anthony looked me square in the eyes. “Well, if it was me and my mom left me an unexplained apology, I would ransack everything until I got an answer. Did you search the house? Rummage through drawers and closets? I mean, did you even Google her? It just seems like maybe you don’t want to know the answer.”
    â€œ Google her?!!! And what do you think it would say? Jill Carson, PTA superstar! ” I felt all my blood rushing to my face. “What makes you think you know anything about me, or my mom, or her stupid apology?” My voice was shaky but loud. “In the three months since my parents died,” I smacked down his calculator three times for emphasis, “I’ve had to pack up all my things, say goodbye to all my friends, move to a new place, start a new school, and try to make new friends. OH! And squeeze in shrink visits Jolie made me go to because in addition to everything else, I’m trying to get over the fact that my parents are DEAD!” I threw his calculator across the room and slammed my hands down on the table. It didn’t really hurt, but I burst out crying.
    Anthony reached over and grabbed my hands. He looked at them, but since there was no obvious injury other than a red splotch, he awkwardly dropped them and sat back in his chair. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m such a jerk. I should mind my own business.”
    My face was hot and wet. I felt exhausted, and my lungs burned like I had just climbed a mountain.
    Anthony sat next to me, patiently, as if waiting to dispel another outburst.
    We weren’t touching in any physical way, but in my state of emotional breakdown, I felt this unexpected connection to him. Not like the electric sparks that fired between Owen and me, but something smaller and less intense. Like an electric blanket slowly heating up and enveloping me in a haze of warmth. It was comfort. I felt comfort.
    In a move very uncharacteristic of me, I leaned over and rested my cheek on Anthony’s shoulder. I worried he thought I was insane, but instead of fleeing, he softly leaned his head over and rested it against mine.
    I have no idea how long we stayed like that, Siamese twins joined at the scalp. It might have been just a few minutes, or it could have been a lot longer, but he never pulled away. My mom always said, Never be the first one to leave a hug, and all I could guess was that Anthony’s mom said that too.
    Anthony finally lifted his head and broke the silence. “What were your parents like?”
    I pulled my head up and smiled a half smile. I thought for a moment. “Mom was available.”
    Anthony raised his eyebrows.