Free Restoration: A Novel (Contemporary / Women's Fiction) by Elaine D Walsh Page B

they had to
defile their bodies as well. 
    “My mother escaped death but was severely beaten and her
face badly disfigured.
    “After the liberation and after she healed and could walk
outside without being remembered for being a traitor, she returned to the only
thing she knew how to do.  Wealthy men no longer found her desirable, so she
sold herself to whoever would pay and for whatever they could pay, oftentimes
exchanging her body for a meal, sometimes beaten by these men, other times
raped.  She lived like an animal.  It was a terrible life. 
    “She had a number of abortions, and after a botched one
the nuns found her bleeding in the streets.  They took her in to their convent
and cared for her.  I was born there seven months later.  My mother stayed with
them, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever else they needed.  We lived in a
cottage on the convent grounds.  It is where I grew up.  They were good to her
and to me.  I was their little angel.” 
    Francesca smiled at the memory and then chuckled.  “They
were very disappointed I never heard God’s call to become a nun.  When my
mother died, they honored her by burying her in the graveyard where only
Sisters were laid to rest.  I do not know if she was ever truly happy, although
when she died I think she was content. 
    “But her life never came close to being what she’d hoped
it would be.  It was not like her parents’ lives at all.  So in one respect she
succeeded, but to what gain?”
    “That’s a Shakespearean tragedy,” Tess said.  “Despite
what your mother managed to do with her life, I think I can avoid living my
mother’s life.”
    “I hope so.”
    “Look, I haven’t allowed someone else to take over my life
like she has.  She calls it love.  I call it possession.”
    “Just be careful,” Francesca said with a smile.
    “What do you mean?”
    “Do not be so consumed protecting yourself that you deny
yourself love.”
    “I’m not going to deny myself anything.  I’m also not
going to let anything or anyone control me.  I’m going to be the one calling
the shots; mind over heart, if you will.”
    “You are guarding the fort against what might come in.  It
is what is already there, that which is already inside of you that might
escape, I caution you about.  Sometimes there is a special love that comes
along only once, and it is a shame when we let that love escape us.”
    “Is Ingrid this love to you?”
    “Wisdom is usually born out of learning from one’s own
mistakes.  I have much affection for Ingrid and I love her, yes, but it is
Aletta who I look back on with much love and much regret.”
    “Where’s she now?”  Tess asked.
    “Where she is, I do not know.  But she lives in my
memories.  That is her permanent address.  We met at the Central Institute for
Restoration in Rome where we were both students.  I did not know then that I
loved women.  She awakened this in me.  At first, I thought it was some strange
infatuation.  During a break in our studies, we traveled to Florence together. 
    “It was there, overlooking the city together atop Santa
Maria del Fiore’s cupola, I became aware I was completely and utterly in love
with her.  And to my great amazement, she returned my love.  So you see,
Florence is not only special to you.”
    “What happened?”
    “When we finished our studies, she wanted me to go away
with her and share our lives together.  I had not thought this far.  The rest
of my life?  Even one month of my life outside of the protection of school,
where we could pass ourselves off as close friends, I could not envision.  It
was terrifying.  It was different back then for women like us, not at all like
it is today.  So I chose convention over love.  Aletta left Rome and me after
graduation.  I never heard from her or saw her again.”
    “But you think about her still?”
    “Of course,” Francesca said, nodding.  “She is the
centerpiece of my life lived in