Free The One and Only Zoe Lama by Tish Cohen Page A

once—Susannah about her mother waiting in a black Hummer, and Laurel about dehydration setting in. By the time I grab the receiver, the line’s dead. I hang up slowly.

    “This,” I say, “would be theperfect time to panic.” As I suck in a deep breath I can practically hear the sound of a pink suitcase being zipped up tight.
    T he second the firefighters open the elevator doors, three things happen. Susannah scrambles over them like the stepping-stones to stardom they’ve become, I shoot under their legs and kiss the filthy ground they walk on, and Laurel returns to her poolside position and demands that someone massage her shoulders, all thoughts of dehydration forgotten.
    In all the commotion, my mother’s voice is the only thing I hear. She’s lecturing Mr. Kingsley as she scoops up grocery bags. “Honestly, it’s no longer safe to live in this building!”
    “Safe?” I snort, guiding my mother toward the stairwell. “Where’s the adventure in that?”

If You Must Cheat Death, Remember to Tell Your Boyfriend About It Later
    I guess Mom figures almost getting swallowed whole by the elevator is enough torture for one day, so instead of forcing me to put away the groceries and set the table for dinner, she tells me to go take some much-needed “me” time in my room. Armed with a handful of chocolate chip cookies, I plop myself in front of my computer and send an instant message to Riley. (The Number One Unwritten Rule when it comes to cheating death-by-elevator-suffocation is to make sure to tell your boyfriend how lucky he is that you survived.)

zoelama: riley? u there?
    riledup: zozyrgrrl!
    zoelama: u know it
    riledup: Bad timing z. g2g to class
    zoelama: sumo wrestling?
    Riley isn’t your average guy. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s disappeared every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school. When I asked if I could come and where he went, he always said no and to sumo wrestling class. Which I wasn’t nearly dumb enough to fall for.
    Then last month when I refused to go into the school dance because of my utterly humiliating fear of balloons, Riley tried to make me feel better by telling me something equally embarrassing about himself—that he was not, in fact, training to be a sumo wrestler. But that he was training to be a ballet dancer. Which I think is cuter than cute and braver than brave. Then he made me swear not to tell a single solitary soul.
    To his adoring public—and mine—Riley Sinclair is knee-deep in ancient Japanese martial arts.
riledup: yep. lzl
    zoelama: ?lzl?
    riledup: later, zoe lama
    zoelama: wait, did u hear wat happened to me today?
    I wait for him to answer. I wait some more.
zoelama: ri?
    He’s gone. And not only is he gone, but he has no idea how close he came to losing me. And I have no idea how upset he would have been. Which means my perilous adventure was one big waste.
    My IM jingles again.
g-ma: yo zo?
    zoelama: hi g-ma, did mom tell u about wat happened to me?
    g-ma: no time 4 that. Nursie’ll be right back. I got caught.
    zoelama: ?caught?
    g-ma: cigars in the boys room w/ fritz
    zoelama: i knew it! he’s a bad influence on u
    g-ma: o he’s bad alright. heehee. They threatened 2 kck me up to 7th floor 4 total lockdown
    zoelama: but then I’d have 2 take the elevator!
    g-ma: 7th floor is ladies only
    zoelama: but they must know it’s fritz’s fault!
    g-ma: they nvr saw him. and I’ll nvr tell. don’t tell ur mom, she’ll make me stop seeing him
    zoelama: u should stop seeing him!
    g-ma: i’ve told u 2 much. delete this IM! Bye!
    I don’t know where this Fritz came from, but he must be stopped. He’s turning g-ma into a teenager!

Rule by Humiliation. You Know, in the Name of World Peace.
    This has never happened before. Ever. Today is
    the day we’re meant to turn in our Icktopia drawings and mine isn’t even close to being finished. Not only that, but there’s a dried-up puddle of drool in the center of the island because I fell asleep all