Free Keeping Secrets by Treasure Hernandez Page B

power within herself.
    After looking at both her and her mother’s reflections, Secret pulled away. “No! I’m not you and you’re just mad because you’re not me.” Secret had been thinking it, but no way had she meant to say it. But the words had slipped out now and there was no taking them back. Secret knew her teeth were as good as gone, so she might as well continue speaking her mind and make it well worth having to wear dentures. “I’m not going to be some project hood rat running around mad at the world. I’m pregnant. I wish I wasn’t but I am. If I could turn back the hands of time I would make different decisions, but I can’t. This is it.”
    Secret raised her arms and let them drop back to her side like wet noodles. “But what I am going to do is fix this situation the best I can. Unfortunately that means not bringing another life into this world. But once I’m ready to start a family, with a husband, then that’s what I’m going to do. That’s part of the plan. But for now, I’m going to take care of the situation; then I’m going to go off to college, as planned, graduate with honors, get a career, start a family, and live happily ever after. The fucking end!” By now tears were streaming down Secret’s face. It was a mixture, tears of joy, pain, fear, and relief. It was like she was finally at the end of the rope of mental torture her mother had been strangling her with for so many years. She knew that basically she was grabbing a pair of shears out of her pocket and cutting the rope the same way the doctor had cut her umbilical cord when she was born. Would it be blasphemy to say she felt as if she was being reborn?
    â€œAs soon as I get that letter saying I got that scholarship, I’m packing up and I’m gone,” Secret continued. “I’m going to become something more than what I could ever be if I stay here. I’m sorry for disrespecting you, Mama, but I’m not you and I’d rather die than become you.”
    Yolanda had never been more heated in her life. She was having a mental conversation with herself, willing herself not to take her hands and wrap them around Secret’s throat until she choked that last breath out of her. She was so mad she began to tremble, reminding Secret of Renee on the Mob Wives reality show. Secret coiled back, just waiting for a blow from her mother. A blow was certainly what she got. Only not the kind she’d expected.
    â€œLetter? You mean the letter that came last week addressed to you in care of me? The letter stating you were denied the scholarship?” It was obvious by the look on Yolanda’s face that she enjoyed being the bearer of bad news.
    Secret, on the other hand, gasped as if the wind had been knocked out of her.
    â€œYeah, that’s right,” Yolanda gloated with an I-told-you-so look on her face. “No money, no college. So it looks to me, baby girl, that you ain’t got no money for school or an abortion.” Yolanda hollered in laughter as she exited the bathroom.
    Secret could hear her laughing all the way until Yolanda was behind her closed bedroom door. Even then Secret could hear little chuckles here and there. Still trying to find her breath, and now her strength, Secret held on for dear life to the rim of the sink counter and tried to balance herself. She looked at herself in the mirror. The more she stared at her image, the more it began to transform from her own features to that of her mother’s.
    â€œOh, God, no.” Secret gasped, managing to go sit down on the toilet lid. She buried her face in her hands. “But I worked so hard.” She paused and then looked up. “Why, God, why? I worked so hard to earn that scholarship. Why didn’t I get it?”
    In a matter of time things for Secret felt as though they’d gone from bad, to worse, to almost unbearable. Not having money for an