Free The Devil's Monologue by Kimberly Fuller Page B

screen. Denied again.
I won't say it out loud, but sometimes,
just sometimes I think Harvey was right to kill me.

 
     
     
27
     
    My stomach growled and
curdled all at the same time as the clock ticked away the seconds
before lunch. I was both famished and nauseous at the same time. I
would have to see them both at some point in the day. I honestly
wasn't sure if I was ready to confront that demon yet. I kept
watching the door, waiting for the police to bust it down and take
me to jail. This time too many people knew. Mike would surely keep
his mouth shut to save his own ass. The Old Man still had my back,
I hoped. I could easily trust them, but Jo had already told. Of
course she told him. Who knows who he told.
I imagined them sitting down at the police
department right now going over every gruesome detail. Most of
which I couldn't even recall, but was sure it wasn't anything
good.
How the hell did I get
myself into this mess?
I ask myself the most idiotic questions
sometimes, I tell you. I knew how I got here. I drank too much,
lied frequently, and couldn't take no for an answer.
Tick. Tick.
Move faster, you fucking
clock!
I needed to get out of
this room with its ever closing walls and suffocating air. I could
feel my chest tighten as my brain began to swell with worry. It
felt like everyone was staring at me, like they all knew what I had
done. I could hear the faint whispers coming from the left side of
the room as a group of girls no doubt were slandering my name at
the thought of me hurting one of their own.
Ring!
My seat made a loud scraping sound as I
jumped from the echoing bell. I opened my eyes wide, shifting them
around the room. The lights were blinding. Everyone else had
already begun to vacate the room. Only I was left. No one was
watching. No one was whispering. The open door suddenly became my
savior as I bolted for the lunchroom.
The cool gust of fresh air from the hallway
filled my lungs and calmed my mind. I pushed aside the growing
feelings of shame, gathered myself, and prepared to meet my kingly
court of jesters. I walked through the already noisy door, easing
as I saw Mike and John at our usual table. Both were staring at me
with a mixture of sadness and comfort as I approached. I had
forgotten about John. Had he told?
“Hey, Fellas!” I high-fived each of them,
playing James Dean cool while my insides screamed.
John nodded his head, eyes fixed on the
scratches down my neck. The sting suddenly became present in his
sight. I touched it gingerly as the crowd around me went on with
their mundane normal lives.
My thoughts reverted back
to the handgun in the Old Man's “office”. It looked more and more
appealing these days. I shook my head, scaring away the pain, for
now. As I plopped myself down on the edge of the table, a scrawny
wide eyed freshman approached. He had stringy blond hair and a
mouth full of braces. I watched him shakily pass a note to Cheryle,
the cheerleader to my left. I chuckled slightly, running my fingers
through my hair, and almost wished I was like him. Just a random
nobody with enough balls to ask out the head cheerleader in front
of everyone.
As I laughed, the room grew eerily silent.
Even the thump thump of my heart slowed to nearly a stop. A harsh
scream emerged from one of the girls near the door.
“Oh, shit!” I whispered as Harvey Carter,
gun in hand, came to fulfill his promise.
He looked angry and sad as the shiny metal
glinted in the bright lights. I panicked, not knowing whether to
run or face my crime. Everyone else started bolting for the doors
and hallways, not ready to die today. Harvey aimed straight at me,
his finger hovering over the trigger, but his eyes were shut tight.
The dreamy freshman kid, too scared to move, stood directly between
us.
    I need redemption before I
die! I shouted at myself as I shoved the
kid away from me.
Bang!
The shot pounded loudly in my ears, making
them ring in high pitched operatic form. I fell hard to floor, not
sure if I had