Free The Pearly Queen by Mary Jane Staples Page B

’orror,’ cried Patsy. She might have been only thirteen, but she was already budding. Secretly, she was proud, of course. It made her feel she wouldn’t take long to be a woman. Like Gladys Cooper, she hoped. Gladys Cooper, a famous actress, was ever so attractive, and during the war soldiers in the trenches asked for picture postcards of her to be sent to them. All the same, a girl didn’t want any sister making remarks. ‘You Betsy, ’ow would you like me to pull all your ’air out?’
    â€˜But I only said a little bit fat,’ protested Betsy. ‘Didn’t I, Dad?’ Betsy was always appealing to her dad whenever she needed support.
    â€˜Well, I can’t tell a lie,’ said Dad, ‘you did only say a little bit.’
    â€˜Point is,’ said Jimmy, ‘is it true?’
    â€˜Don’t you start,’ said Patsy.
    â€˜All right,’ said Jimmy affably, ‘I’ll stay in the dark.’
    â€˜Good idea, Jimmy, it’s safer,’ said Dad. ‘Did I ever tell you about the time when me old battalion was in a place called Kut? ’Orrible fly-blown dump, believe me. Didn’t ’alf make the old battalion thirsty. The sergeant-major said if ’e caught anybody swipin’ the sergeants’ beer rations, he’d hang ’em from a coconut tree. We still did a bit of needful swipin’, though, through Private Gough bein’ able to pick a padlock. Did it at night. Safer in the dark, yer see. I mean, who wants to end up hanging from a coconut tree in a place like Kut?’
    â€˜Oh, you’re lovely and daft, Dad,’ said Patsy. ‘Dad’s goin’ to try doin’ some ironing this afternoon, Aunt Edie.’
    â€˜â€™E’s what?’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜I’ll give it a go,’ said Dad.
    â€˜You won’t,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜Well, durin’ me soldiering days—’
    â€˜Your soldiering days are over,’ said Aunt Edie, ‘for which we’re all thankful. Never mind that old sergeant-major of yours won’t lie down, you’re not doin’ any ironing. Is it all that stuff out there on the line?’
    â€˜Yes, it’s what we took to the Bagwash, Aunt Edie,’ said Patsy.
    â€˜It’s a lot of ironing,’ said Dad.
    â€˜I’ll do it,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜I’ll ’elp,’ said Patsy.
    â€˜No, you and Betsy ’ave got friends you like to go out with Saturday afternoons,’ said Aunt Edie. ‘Jimmy can help, ’e can fold things and ’e knows where to put them away.’
    â€˜Oh, no, don’t let ’im,’ begged Betsy, ‘’e’ll put apple cores in our fings.’
    â€˜Oh, yer silly, that was years ago,’ said Patsy.
    â€˜Yes, but ’e’s grinnin’,’ said Betsy.
    â€˜I’ll watch ’im, Betsy,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜You’re a friend in need, you are, Edie,’ said Dad.
    â€˜I’ll share Betsy’s room with ’er tonight,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜All right,’ said Dad, ‘but no pillow fights, you’ll only get licked. Our pickle’s dynamite at pillow fights. ’Ere, how about a bus ride to Hyde Park on Bank Holiday Monday? Years since I’ve been to Hyde Park. Me and Maudie used to go there some Sundays after we were married, and listen to the band. Bound to be a band there on Bank Holiday.’
    â€˜D’you fancy that, Aunt Edie?’ asked Jimmy.
    â€˜Love it,’ said Aunt Edie.
    â€˜Well, we’re not leavin’ your aunt out, are we, Betsy?’ said Dad. ‘It’s a fam’ly outin’, and your Aunt Edie’s fam’ly, specially at weekends. I’ve just heard she’s goin’ to do the ironing as well. What a relief.’
    â€˜We like Aunt Edie, don’t we, Dad?’ said Betsy.
    â€˜You bet,’ said Dad.
    And Jimmy thought there was a faint