Free Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 04 by Dancing in My Nuddy Pants Page B

which proved he had been listening to Vati raving on about Maoris. Très weird.
    friday january 21st
    aboard l’esprit
midday
    On our way to la belle France at last. If we ever get there it will be le miracle, because: a) it is a French ferry and b) we have a madman at the helm. When we set off from Newhaven we went in and out of the quay three times, because the captain forgot to cast off.
    1:00 p.m.
    Zut alors , we are being tossed about like les corks. I may complain to the captain (if he has not been airlifted home to a secure unit) and suggest he stop driving us into eighty-foot waves. Herr Kamyer, dithering champion for the German nation and part-time fool, has just lost his footing and fallen into the ladies’ loos.
    1:15 p.m.
    In the restaurant there is a notice that says, “Soupe du jour,” so Rosie said to the French waiter, “Can I have le soupe du yesterday, please?” But no one got it.
    1:30 p.m.
    Staggering around on the decks in gale-force winds.
    I could see Captain Mad up in his wheelhouse thing.
    1:32 p.m.
    The only way to stay upright is to hold the flagpole at the back of the boat.
    1:35 p.m.
    Why does he keep staring at me? I’m just clinging on to this French flag because I want to live to see Frogland.
    Â 
    Just then the boat lurched violently, and that’s when it came off in my hand.
    2:30 p.m.
    Madame Slack, who until then had been attachedto Gorgey Henri for most of the voyage (like a Slack limpet), decided to make a big international thing out of the flag removing incident.
    She gibbered in le Frog to Captain Mad, who had come down to the deck (hopefully leaving someone who could drive in his place). They did a lot of pointing and shouting and shrugging.
    Incidentally, why has Madame Slack got two huge handbags? She keeps Sellotape and a ruler in one and a hankie in the other. Should someone like that be in charge of the youth of today? Is France a nation of handbag fetishists, I wonder? As I said to Jas, “Even Henri has got a little handbag.”
    Rosie said, “You are definitely going to have to walk the gangplank. Au revoir, mon amie. ”
    â€œWhat makes you think Captain Mad could find a gangplank? I’ll be amazed if he can find France.” But I said it quietly. I didn’t want to start the shrugging again.
    In the end, Madame Slack called me stupid about a zillion times, which could have upset me a lot, but I know I am really full of geniosity.
    I had to apologize to Captain Mad. In French.
    4:45 p.m.
    Still in this sodding boat, bobbing up and down in the Atlantic or wherever it is we are now.
    Suddenly Rosie said, “Land! I can see land, thank the Lord!” and got down on her knees. Which was quite funny. It could be Iceland, though, for all we know.
    Captain Mad came on the PA system and said, “Ladeez and jentlemen, ve are now approaching Dieppe.”
    I said to the gang, “With a bit of luck, he’ll manage to dock by tomorrow evening.”
    9:00 p.m.
    Miraculously survived the ferry journey and caught the train to Paris. I think the driver might have been wearing a beret, but we still managed to arrive at Hôtel Gare du Nord in le gay Paree! Right in the middle of everything.
    The lady behind the desk said, “Welcome, I will show you to your rrruuuuuuums.” I thought French people were actually being funny when they put on their accent, but they aren’t being funny, they are being French. That, as I said to Jas, is why I aime them so much.
    Gorgey Henri has let the ace gang be in the same room together! How fab is he? Usually we get split up in class, but the six of us are back together again. Yes!!! Les girls have arrived. It’s a really groovy room as well. I have a bed by the window. I lay down on it and said, “Aaahhh, this is the sort of life I will be leading from now on.”
    Rosie said, “What? Sharing a room with five other women? Are you setting up a lezzie farm?” I