Free Red Tape by Michele Lynn Seigfried Page A

single-handed, while juggling my crock-pot in my other hand. I had made my famous root beer pulled pork. Bonnie offered to get the rolls.
    I headed to the kitchen and searched for an electric outlet. I had to fire up the crock-pot so that the pork would be ready in time for lunch. As I bent over to plug it in behind the table, I heard a familiar voice. I slowly stood up and turned around. A twinge of humiliation combined with a rush of blood to my heart made my cheeks flush. Oh no! I thought. Officer Gorgeous just got a full view of my big behind.
    “Officer Williams. How nice to see you. What are you doing here so early?”
    “I brought the lasagna over from the PD for today’s lunch to put in the fridge.”
    “Oh, I love lasagna. Well, see ya.”
    I darted out of the kitchen, then slapped myself mentally on the forehead. Why couldn’t I think of anything better to say than “Oh, I love lasagna”? I am such a dork. My mind went totally blank when he was around. Why didn’t I ask him something about himself? I could have gotten to know him better. All right, get a grip, I told myself. I have a baby at home, I’ve got a full-time job, I started working out again. I have no time in my life to sit down for thirty minutes and watch a rerun of Friends; I certainly do not have enough time for a man!
    I headed to the courtroom to assess the damage. It had a smoky stench. Public works was already there, ripping out the carpet and airing out the room. They told me it wasn’t as bad as it looked. It was just cosmetic.
    I trotted back to my office. Bonnie had just arrived. “What the heck happened here last night?” she asked.
    She must have noticed the courtroom. I started to laugh uncontrollably. Bonnie couldn’t understand a word I was saying because I was hysterical.
    “What? What tomato? What the heck?” she asked.
    When I finally regained my composure, I gave her the gist of the story. “Giuseppe Fruscione brought me a tomato. Triggers said something nuts to the mayor. Mayor O’Donnell threw the tomato at Triggers. He ducked, Rose Sciaratta got hit in the head, dropped her cigarette, and set the place on fire.”
    “Holy shit! At least the fire alarms worked this time,” Bonnie exclaimed.
    We both chuckled.
    “You have to listen to the audio of the meeting later. It’s crazy, but right now we have a lot to get done before lunch today,” I said.
    We buried ourselves in paperwork. I felt like every time I accomplished something, something new popped up for me to finish.
    When the clock read eleven forty-five a.m., I got up from my chair to go check on the pulled pork. As I headed out to the kitchen, I noticed Mr. Triggers walking in, but I was pretty sure he didn’t see me. I wasn’t in the mood for him. I stepped into the kitchen, grabbed a fork, and lifted the lid of the crock-pot. As I stirred in a little more barbeque sauce, I inhaled the steam. It smelled good and I was so hungry. I thought about eating a sandwich before the crowd got there, but I thought I’d better wait another fifteen minutes.
    I took my time walking back to my office in hopes that Triggers would be gone by the time I got there. No such luck. I found him arguing with Bonnie at the counter to our office. I stepped into the office and locked the door behind me. I didn’t want to be in the same area with him without a barrier between us if I could help it. I noticed that Mr. Triggers could stand to be introduced to deodorant.
    “Mr. Triggers, how can I help you?”
    “Hey moron! I want to speak to the mayor!” he shouted.
    “I’m sorry, Mr. Triggers, the mayor is only part-time and does not have an office here. I could take your phone number and have her call you.”
    I could hear Bonnie under her breath saying she already told him that.
    “I want to talk to the mayor, now!” Triggers yelled impatiently.
    “The mayor is not here,” I answered.
    “Do you work for the mayor?” he asked and before I could answer, he started