Don't Ask Alice

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Authors: Judi Curtin
she now – thirty-seven-year-olds?’
    I had to laugh too. I don’t think my mum has ever even touched a lipstick, let alone owned one.
    Then I stopped laughing.
    â€˜Hey,’ I said. ‘What’s all this for anyway? Why are you suddenly so interested in wearingmake-up? And it’s not like we’re going out anywhere – you’re spending the evening in my kitchen, remember?’
    Alice shook her head.
    â€˜The make-up’s not for me, Dork-head. I’m not the one going on a romantic date, am I?’
    I laughed again as I picked up a sparkly eye shadow.
    â€˜Hmmm,’ I said. ‘I think this shade would be perfect on your dad. Just right to bring out the blue in his eyes.’
    â€˜Ha, ha,’ said Alice. ‘Very funny. Not. You know well that all this stuff is for Linda.’
    I sighed.
    â€˜Well, I suppose I know now,’ I said. ‘But Linda doesn’t need all that make-up. She’s pretty enough as she is.’
    Alice started to gather up the stuff and put it into a giant make-up bag.
    â€˜Careful, Meg,’ she said. ‘Don’t start sounding like your mother. Never forget, there’s no one so pretty she can’t be improved with some nicemake-up.’
    â€˜Now who’s sounding like her mother?’ I snapped.
    Alice gave me a quick hug.
    â€˜Sorry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s just agree that neither of us is going to turn into our mothers. Ever. OK?’
    I nodded. I didn’t want to fight with Alice. And besides, messing about with make-up would be fun – especially without Mum there looking over my shoulder and saying I was wasting my life.
    There was still one problem thought.
    â€˜What are we going to say to Linda?’ I asked. ‘We can’t say – “Hey, Linda, you’d better put on some make-up, just in case a handsome prince happens to drop by tonight?”’
    Alice suddenly started to laugh so much she couldn’t talk. When she finally recovered, she said,
    â€˜I don’t think you could exactly call my dad a handsome prince. Do you?’
    Now I laughed too.
    â€˜Maybe if we got him to wear a satin shirt ……’
    â€˜â€¦â€¦ and some white tights,’ added Alice.
    â€˜â€¦â€¦ and we could borrow a donkey from the donkey sanctuary and he could arrive on that …….’ I finished.
    By now we were both laughing so much we had to lie on the bed and roll around for a while. It was nice.
    Eventually Alice sat up.
    â€˜Enough of that,’ she said. ‘Let’s go next door. We’ve got work to do.’
    * * *
    Linda was surprised when Alice and I suggested that we give her a makeover. She even sounded a little bit insulted.
    â€˜Actually I’m quite happy with the way I look,’ she said.
    Alice smiled her best smile.
    â€˜You look fab,’ she said. ‘But we have to give someone a makeover, and there’s no-one else around.’
    Linda looked a bit less cross.
    â€˜But why do you have to give someone a makeover?’ she asked.
    I looked desperately at Alice.
    â€˜It’s a project,’ she said.
    â€˜For Guides,’ I added. That sounded a bit stupid, but by the time I realised that, the words were already out of my mouth.
    â€˜Hmmmm,’ said Linda. ‘Guides must have changed a lot since I was there. In my day it was mostly about lighting camp-fires and tying complicated knots and polishing shoes for old ladies.’
    â€˜Oh, Guides is very different nowadays,’ said Alice. ‘We do all kinds of interesting stuff. Last week we went white-water rafting.’
    I kicked Alice to quieten her. Did that girl never know when to stop?
    Linda looked like she didn’t believe Alice, but she didn’t say so.
    â€˜Well,’ she said. ‘If you’re going to do my make-up I suppose we’d better get on with it.I’m getting even older

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