Free Alone on the Oregon Trail by Vanessa Carvo Page A

swung it open on its hinges, it bounced off the wall behind it and I realized that I had used all I had in me to get out of that house. At the sound of the door swinging against the wall, Mattie let out a complaint that rang through my ears, reminding me how I could do nothing right and that I had overstayed my time, in her opinion.
    I found myself that morning ignoring her voice and just rushing out into the sunlight and the freedom. I kept walking until I reached the stables and I saw my familiar old friend Bailey, and I ran to him, wrapped my arms around him, sniffing his mane as if I hadn’t seen him in years.
    He was as glad to see me as I was to see him and we both just stood embraced. As I stood there hugging Bailey, I had a thought go through my mind that perhaps I could get somewhere with Mattie if we would spend time with Bailey.
    There was something about this horse that brought you peace and maybe he could be the one to reach deep into her heart, softening it with his love and composure. He had helped me on many occasions on the trail, and I kept this idea in my mind for future use. For now, he was mine and I felt like riding.
    So, I saddled him up, got the bridle on, swung my leg upon him and took off before anyone could think about stopping me.
    We rode that morning for an hour and we found an old oak tree on the connecting pasture to sit under for a while before heading back to the house. When I rode into sight, Meredith was out feeding her chickens and she waved sweetly and I found myself wishing that Mattie would be a little more like Meredith.
    I knew that was asking too much at this time and I knew that I had many bridges to cross concerning Mattie. Mattie had become quite hateful in the last few days and there seemed to be a new dark side that was creeping into this child. It was like an uncontrollable force that was taking over.
    The child knew some nursery rhymes and child songs and she had begun taunting me as if she thought that if she could hurt me enough I would leave. I walked into the kitchen one day and she began singing “Brooklyn’s bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.
    “Brooklyn’s bridge is falling down and it’s so funny .” I thought at the time it was so cruel of this child, but then I realized what is cruel is the hold that pain has on her. Today I realize that my bridge is falling down, just as she sang so hatefully.
    I couldn’t seem to make any progress with her and she was aware of that and seemed to enjoy it. So she enjoyed singing little songs like that, thinking it left her in control or something. I often wondered if Grayson had lost his mind when he said he believed I would be able to get through to her over time.
    I think he expected an awful lot of me and I was not feeling like it was very fair at the moment. I would keep trying as long as I could and one of us had to break eventually, but I was not sure it would be Mattie.
    Making sure that I forced myself to return home, I galloped Bailey on to the stable and set him free in the fenced area where he could roam about and graze. Then I hung up the saddle and bridle and as I was headed out the door, Grayson was coming into the barn.
    After his initial good morning, he tilted his hat and told me to have a good day and that he had to go to town and would be gone the entire day. I wasn’t in that great of a mood to stay there alone with this child and I offered to ride into town with him.
    This started a conversation that was much needed by this time and we sat in the barn discussing none other than Mattie again. After speaking to Grayson openly and honestly, I found myself even more determined to help him in any way I could. Grayson had a way about him that he could speak so logically and heartfelt that by the end of your discussion, he made more sense than you did.
    So, as I watched him ride off in his wagon to town, I collected myself charm and my wit and entered the house. Meredith was still outside