Free Vow of Silence by Roxy Harte Page A

“I’m not selling. I’m not
reopening my psychiatric practice.”
    Her face drops, her disappointment evident. “Oh. I thought you
might… Well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought.”
    I cup her cheeks in my hands, lifting her face to force her
to meet my gaze. “I enjoy our time together, Lin, and I need to know if you are
going to be able to deal with the man I am.”
    “The man you are?”
    “Yes, Doctor Psycho.”
    “Your stage persona?”
    I lead her to a chair and we sit. I hold her hand. “Doctor
Psycho is more than just a stage persona. It’s who I am now. I can pretend to
be normal George Kirkpatrick when I’m with you, but the truth is, that guy is
more fabricated than the man I am at work, and in the weeks to come that will
become even more true.”
    “I don’t understand.”
    “The name of the club is being changed from Lewd Larry’s to
Doctor Psycho’s Bedlam.”
    She blinks at me.
    “We are completely redesigning the club and launching a
major advertising campaign. As we transition the club, my role is going to
become center stage. I’ll become more recognizable around town.”
    The teapot whistles and she stands to pour the water into a
ceramic container. She adds the tea and waits while it steeps, not looking at
me. “Why are you telling me this? So I won’t freak out when I see your face
plastered over billboards?”
    I actually hadn’t considered my face stretched ten
feet high.
    She pours tea into two dainty cups as if she hadn’t just
asked hard-to-answer questions. Standing, I walk over to her and prevent her
from putting the cups on the small bamboo tray. “I want to know if you will be
too embarrassed to be seen with me, and of course we must consider what repercussions
there will be if your grandmother learns of our relationship.”
    “Our relationship?”
    “I want to be with you—every available second—I think I’m
falling in love with you.”
    She meets my gaze but shakes her head. “You think?”
    “Lin.” I kiss her so as not to leave a doubt. “I love you.”
    There, I said it. I’ve proved my insanity. After a year of
veiled conversations, limited intimacy and sexual barriers I see no way around,
I’ve admitted my feelings.
    Why now?
    Why not now?
    “I was just at a meeting with the guy who is helping me with
the redesign and I could barely focus. I kept thinking about you and how you
were going to react to the changes that are happening in my life. I kept
thinking about making love to you last night…in my bed…and you have no idea how
significant that is but it has been over a decade since I’ve enjoyed that kind
of intimacy. I realized I would be a happier man if I slept beside you every
night.”
    “What are you saying?”
    “I don’t know exactly, other than to say I want you to be
part of my life.”
    Lin moves the cups to the tray and carries the service to a
low table. She gestures for me to sit on a floor cushion. I guess we’re
having tea.
    I sit. She sits. We both sip tea.
    Hiding behind her cup, she admits, “I was working very hard
today. I was hammering metal, really pounding it with every ounce of my being,
even though it was unnecessary work, all because I wanted to stop thinking
about what happened in your kitchen. I can see it in my head. My feet in
stirrups. You, wearing a mask and rubber gloves. The speculum.” She looks away,
blushing. “I thought about you invading my body with tools and fingers,
believing some of it might hurt or be uncomfortable. I thought about the
humiliation and embarrassment…”
    “We’ll take your introduction to kink slow,” I promise.
    “And what if I hate it?”
    “Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”
    I unzip her jumpsuit and she struggles.
    “I’ve been working. I’m hot and sweaty.”
    I kiss her chest between her breasts. She smells warm and
musky, womanly.
    “I stink, George!”
    “Mmm, you smell edible.”
    I pull her arms free and keep forcing the material