Free Watchstar by Pamela Sargent Page B

nervously, wondering why she kept thinking it might be something else which bothered them. Cerwen had called to her brother Rin before his ordeal; perhaps he had brought him to a similar meeting.
    —That is partly true—Cerwen thought suddenly.—Your time approaches, Daiya, and we must have a meeting—
    She glanced quickly around the hut. The five communing Merging Selves were still present; the two men who had been with Leito were seated nearby.
    —I see—Cerwen went on, catching her thoughts as they were forming.—You are thinking that it is difficult to communicate with us while others are here, but they know our thoughts and we know theirs and part of what we think is what they think, and some of the thoughts you sense now are their thoughts. What does it matter if what I say comes from my mind or Leito's or Morgen's or another's, even I cannot always tell the difference. We seek unity, as you should—
    The words were hard now, and sharp, stabbing her, scratching her.—You think too much of separateness and isolation. You are tempted by the evils in every human mind that would lead to anarchy and ruin if we gave in to them. You build your wall and do not think that if you build it too often and too thick that you will soon have a barrier which cannot so easily be breached, that even you may not be able to remove entirely—
    Daiya shrank, pressing her forehead against her knees. Those thoughts were coming from Leito, made stronger by her greater unity with other Merging Ones.—You would build your wall now if you could, Daiya—
    She gasped, realizing that was exactly what she was trying to do. Leito withdrew a bit. Daiya lifted her hands to her face; she was shaking, her forehead was wet.
    —There is something in you—Leito went on. Her thoughts vibrated in Daiya's mind and she knew they were the thoughts of many Merging Ones.—There is something in you which we have all felt. It was weaker before, and now it has grown, and we shall tell you what it has done. We have thought, some of us, that we must take you and strip away every layer of consciousness, and root it out, even if it means your madness and death—Daiya froze, wanting to flee from the hut but unable to move, held by the power of many minds.—And others have thought that we must leave you to face it, to suffer the ordeal you must suffer and live through it or die, that your fate is in the hands of God. Do you understand what that means, you wretched girl—The thoughts were burning her, searing her. She whimpered and crumpled to the ground, pressing her cheek against the dirt floor.—There is a division, a separation, a disagreement among us, the Merging Ones, you are dividing us, you are drawing us away from the Merged One and closer to a world no more real than the dreams you have at night when you sleep—
    Daiya gasped for air, feeling the words would crush her. She clutched at the floor, then felt something cold against her cheek. A bubble of water was floating near her, held there by Morgen's mind. She opened her mouth and caught it. Refreshed by the cold water, she managed to sit up again.
    —I believe you must come to terms with yourself—Cerwen thought, as gently as he could.—Your ordeal approaches. If you cannot overcome this deficiency, you will die. If you do overcome it, you will come back and take your place among us and merge with us as you grow closer to reality. To tear at your mind now would almost certainly condemn you to death and separateness as well. My reasoning, at least, has convinced the others, though their feelings may not assent to it. I shall be right, one way or the other, and our division will be healed—
    And whether I live or die makes no difference, Daiya thought bitterly in a tiny dark corner of her mind.
    —That isn't true—Morgen thought. His words were warm and soft, calming her a little.—You are our granddaughter and we're concerned. Do you think we felt no pain when Rin died? We mourned your