Free Knight Errant by Rue Allyn Page B

’tis more than generous of you to credit any man with kindness.” Juliana twisted her hands together and commenced pacing once more.
    “Let us not talk of that. I am concerned for you, child.”
    Abruptly, she sat next to Berthild and hugged her. “I am so sorry. I know how those memories pain you. I should not have mentioned it. But I have good reason for my feelings about men.”
    “I do not doubt you.” The older woman patted Juliana’s arm. “Tell me.”
    Juliana stared at the floor of the room and let memory take her. “My sister Eloise confessed to me on the eve of her marriage that she loved her betrothed deeply.”
    “Your sister was blessed.”
    “Was she? Six months later, Eloise came home. Bruises covered her face and body, even though she was heavily pregnant. She asked our uncle for shelter from the husband who beat her. The same man that she loved so deeply.”
    “That is a great tragedy.” Berthild hugged her closer.
    “’Tis worse. Our uncle sent her back, saying that she should be grateful for a husband who chose to discipline her wayward woman’s soul. My aunt raised a mild and rare protest. She received the back of my uncle’s hand for her daring.”
    Juliana’s eyes filled with tears as she recalled the desperation in Eloise’s face when her husband came to carry her back to their home.
    “How fares your sister now?”
    “Dead these four years past.”
    Berthild took Juliana into her arms. “I am so sorry.”
    Still stiff and locked in memory, she added, “My uncle sold me in marriage to an earl, an old and vile man who had already buried three wives and four betrothed brides. I went alone to my wedding. My uncle refused to bear the cost of attending. The earl tried to take advantage of my innocence before the ceremony. I hit him with a stone and escaped with the aid of the local abbess.” Juliana had been terrified. Knowing exactly what would happen when her violence was discovered, she’d left the castle, walking the short distance to the abbey in fear for her life.
    “I tried to live as a nun but always seemed to break the rules. The abbess told me about the Beguines and the trade they engage in. She helped me find my way to Ghent. No man would have done so.” She had been happy in the Ghent beguinage, once she recovered from her fears. No one there knew her or her history. Feeling truly safe for the first time in her life, she took an active part in the Beguine life, even coming to act the protector for women who, like her, joined the Beguine to escape the cruelty of men.
    “So that is how you came to Ghent. I had always wondered.”
    “Aye. Until the abbess wrote me of the earl’s death two years since, I thought my blow had killed him. She wrote to tell me ’twas safe to return to England, but I know I can never go back. ’Twould place me within my uncle’s reach, and his anger over the loss of the connection with the earl might well kill me.”
    “Do you truly believe that your uncle would murder you?”
    “Nay, ’twould not be murder. But, like Basti, he would beat me and punish me in ways so painful, I would weaken in body and resolve. Eventually I would die. I will not go back to that. Despite Basti’s influence in Sicily, ’tis why I volunteered to help in restoring the Palermo beguinage. This journey was supposed to put me beyond the reach of anyone in England.”
    “And grateful I am for the spirit that moved you to make this journey.”
    “Verily, Berthild? I worry that Basti may hear from the local priests of my coming to Palermo and cause problems for us all.”
    “Never say so.” Berthild took Juliana by the shoulders. “Has fear crumbled your faith?”
    “Nay. But if Basti remembers me, and I doubt he would forget, he would lock me away and torture me until I utter such falseness as would condemn all Beguines as heretics.”
    “You would never betray your sisters.”
    “I would never intend to, but pain does strange things to the mind and