into a trot.
Just like that, her daughter was gone, off to experience New York City and all its worldly temptations. Hannah bit her lip and resumed scooping flour into a mixing bowl. There was baking to be done, after all.
* * *
It was dusk, and Annie listened to the crickets chirping as she relaxed on the porch with Stephen Beiler. They sipped cool glasses of lemonade and discussed their plans. “Can you believe I’ve been home for a year?” she asked, chuckling ruefully.
Stephen laughed, too. “I have to admit, I wasn’t all that sure you were coming back for a while.”
“Just because you didn’t go on rumspringa ?” she teased, clicking her tongue at the horses’ whinnying.
Stephen grew serious. “No, not because of that,” he said. “But because the world is full of exciting things. How was I supposed to compete with them? I’m just a simple farmer who spends his days laboring in the fields.”
Annie’s heart melted. Stephen was so handsome, with his brown hair and green eyes. And so strong, too, in a way the Englischers had to go to a gym and use strange equipment to achieve. Stephen came about his muscular build honestly; he worked hard in the fields every day. How could he ever have thought he had to compete?
“But you did come back,” Stephen went on. He leaned forward in his chair. “Tell me, did you ever think about staying?”
Annie considered the question. Everyone seemed so worried ever since she came home, but no one had dared ask until now. “I did,” she said finally. “The Englischers have a lot of things we don’t, but it’s not just that. Their lives are easier. They have tools we can’t use without electricity, like washing machines and microwaves. And movies, did I ever love movies.”
Stephen waited for her to go on. When she didn’t, he asked, “So then why did you come back?”
Annie sipped her lemonade and stared up at the stars dotting the sky. “For this,” she said gesturing with her glass. “For all of this. It took me awhile to figure it out, but the Englischers’ lives only look easier. All that leisure time leaves them with nothing to do, so they get bored, and they create problems for themselves. They gossip and judge one another and find things to be addicted to. A lot of them don’t believe in God at all, just living for the moment.”
“Now, surely all of them can’t be like that,” Stephen chided gently.
Annie shook her head. “You’re right. Not all of them are like that. I met some genuinely nice, lovely people, people I would be happy to call friend. But when you come down to it, they just don’t value the same things we do. I saw so many unhappy people. No matter what how much they had, they were miserable. They always needed more.
“When I saw that, I knew that it was time to set aside my dream of being an actress. I’ve always loved stories; you know that. But I had this secret dream of being an actress one day, my face up on a silver screen.” She blushed and ducked her head. “It’s silly, I know.”
“You did?” Stephen asked, shocked. “I never knew that!”
Annie sighed. “I did. Only the horses knew. I couldn’t tell anyone else! I thought I might see for myself what being in a play was like, so while I was in New York, I auditioned for a local community production.”
“You never said a word about that!” Stephen exclaimed, his eyes widening in the light of the candle.
Annie laid her hand on top of his. “I didn’t tell anyone. I was so ashamed when I was rejected in front of everyone. But I volunteered to help with the set if I couldn’t do anything else. I just needed to see what it was like.”
Stephen didn’t say anything, but he tilted his head curiously.
“And all the glamour I’d thought would be there, all the joy, was missing. Instead, I saw backbiting and insults and ugly behavior I wanted no part of. I thought then that I would let the dream go and come home. At least I knew what to expect
Anna Politkovskaya, Arch Tait