Free Creed of Redemption (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy #2) by S.R. Watson, Shawn Dawson Page A

say shamefully, resting my head on his shoulder.
    “But I want you right now,” he assures, evading my statement. “We can’t go back to the way we were, but I can make your pussy cream. Let me make you feel good.” He nudges his dick at my entrance, but it feels like he has doused me with cold water—a slap to the face with reality. I push him away.
    “I can’t do this. You’re right. We can’t go back to the way things were, but I can’t be just your fuck either. I’m sure Ivy is up for the role, though.” I will not cry. What the hell was I thinking? I’m so fucking weak. I get out of the shower and grab a towel. I need to put some distance between us. I watch as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, but doesn’t leave the shower.
    I go into the bedroom and find some jeans, a shirt, and a hoodie. I’m dressed and off the bus in record time. I need some time on my own. I’ll find somewhere within walking distance to eat.

     
    I fucking caved and now she’s running again . I had the will of a saint last night while I took care that she was cleaned up and changed. Her vulnerability in my hands unraveled something in me. It took me to a place I promised I would never revisit. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and know that she was safe. I didn’t even care if Xander got up in the middle of the night and found me snuggled with her. His priority was Lily and Lourdes was mine. She will never know the level of guilt that wracked through me with each beat of her heart against my hand. I was sorry that I fucked Ivy. I was sorry that she saw us together and that it hurt her.
    There’s no denying that she holds my fucking heart in the palm of her petite fingers. She isn’t aware of the power that she has. I don’t want to be this man. I don’t want to be weak for anyone. I have to let her go. I need to rebel against what she represents—my weakness. First I need to find her. I know my admission that we can’t be more cut her deeply. If only she knew just how much I was ripping my own fucking heart out in the process. It’s just the way it has to be. The one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally, broke me. I wasn’t good enough so he threw me away. Lourdes was the first person since high school that I allowed to see me—the first person I put my heart at risk for and she stomped on it when she left that day. I had to pick up the shattered pieces without a chance to explain.
    There is no amount of love that will make me relive that feeling of unworthiness. I fuck. I move on. Period. I throw on some clothes from my bag and leave out the door. She left on foot so she couldn’t have gotten too far. I search for at least half an hour before I find her in a small mom and pop diner. She is sitting toward the back with her head down. A plate of uneaten pancakes and sausage is next to her.
    I slide into the booth directly across from her. “Lourdes,” I say gently but she doesn’t lift her head. “Look at me, please.” Still nothing. I reach my hand under her folded arms until I find her chin. When I lift her head, I’m fucking rocked yet again. Tears stream down her face. Her eyes are red and swollen. I did this and I can’t fix it. I’m out of my seat and next to her within seconds. I just need to hold her. She needs to know how hard this is for me too. I will give her comfort. I just can’t give her me. Not anymore. She cries in my arms and I’m defenseless. We get the nosy stares, but they can all just fuck off. We will sit here as long as she needs. She finally pushes away from me and wipes her eyes.
    “I’m sorry, Diesel. That won’t happen again.” She wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before throwing a twenty on the table. “I’m ready to go now.”
    “Lourdes—”
    “Don’t. Please. I needed a moment and now I’m done. Let’s not talk about it. Okay?” she says, cutting me off.
    “Okay,” I agree reluctantly. I can’t give her what she wants so I