Free Ever After by Heather McBride Page B

her. I must let her go. I could feel the pain inside at even thinking she would hate me and send me away once she knew what I really was.
     
    I was expecting it, of course, to see the look of disgust in her eyes, which would destroy what little soul I still had left inside me. I would have an eternity to live with her choice, to grieve the loss of her love, to swim in the pain of knowing the only person I ever loved hated me. I had no choice. I could feel the darker side of me seeping into my mind when we kissed. I found myself moving too close, the old hunger pushing me again. I was ready for her to look at me like the freak I was and turn and run, never looking back. I deserved it.
     
    This would be my pain to bear for I had let myself fall in love with someone I should never have been close enough to touch. Corrine was all that was pure and good and I was all that was dark and bad. Even though I had sworn myself to end that behavior, it was a part of me that is deeply imbedded and I couldn’t rid myself of it even if I wanted to. I stood there surrounded by happy families, kids laughing life going on around us. I felt like I was in that Jerry Maguire movie where his boss fires him in the middle of the crowded restaurant.
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter 12
     
    Back to “Corrine’s point of view”
     
     
     
    “Will, what’s wrong, what did I do?” I bit my lip trying not to cry, so hurt by his sudden coldness toward me.
     
    “You,” he said pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was in pain. “You have done nothing wrong, Corrine.” His voice was so soft he seemed exhausted by just saying those few words.
     
    “Will, I don’t understand what’s going on.” The look on his face was worrying me. I knew it now as I watched him closely. The “it’s not you, it’s me” speech was coming. The classic textbook line played out in movies and real life too many times to count. This was it. He was dumping me I could feel it. I should have expected it, why would someone like him, so perfect, want a certified lunatic like me for a girlfriend. I couldn’t blame him. Hell, I was on suicide watch just less than a year ago, and even today, I still had to go to a therapist every Monday at 4 p.m.
     
    I dug my numb hands into my coat pockets, staring down at my snow boots, too sick to look at him now that I “got” what he was trying to tell me. I couldn’t believe that he promised me my problems in the past meant nothing to him and he loved me no matter what had happened. It was clear something about me bothered him enough to want me out of his life.
     
    “Corrine.” He had moved closer. I couldn’t look up.
     
    “I…I have to go.” I muttered, my vision blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I turned to head for the parking lot. I had to call Gran or dad for a ride or maybe Beth since Will had driven us to the hill. I took a deep breath. If I could just make it home and get out of here maybe, I would be ok..maybe. I had to get out of here and fast.
     
    “No.” He gasped reaching out and catching my coat sleeve, pulling me back to him. “Please don’t go, let me explain!”
     
    “Explain what Will? I think I get the idea, okay. I am crazy.” I choked out. “Not stupid, I see how you are acting now.” I watched a look of sadness slide over his face as he shook his head. “I can tell you don’t want me around.”
     
    “It’s not like that, please just wait and let me tell you what’s wrong with me.” He was begging. I sniffed wiping my eyes with my gloved hand. Little bits of ice stuck to it and it hurt my cheek. I stepped back in frustration. Will looked around assessing our privacy level. I still wanted to run.
     
    “I have to go.”
     
    “Please, can we talk by the shelter house?” He looked nervously around; many people were still sledding despite the increase of heavy snow falling. I could only nod as he took my hand and led me to the empty shelter house. I really didn’t want to