Free I’m Over All That by Shirley Maclaine Page A

cab, but one came and I went home.
    I will never go to that hospital or see those doctors again.
    A few weeks later, I had the sinus operation in Santa Fe as outpatient surgery. It went well. The doctors told me they had never seen such an infected backup of pus, the sickly stench of which permeated the surgery room. The rehab from the surgery was difficult, but I have been fine ever since.
    My question is: why didn’t someone suggest a CT scan five years before? The doctors assumed my problem was allergies, and they said I must be allergic to my dog. They were right about allergies, but not about Terry, yet they just kept giving me antibiotics instead of treating the actual allergies.
    After my surgery, my homeopath intervened and gave me a homeopathic regimen. I drained for one entire month, and that was the end of my allergies. The main remedy was allium cepa, which I would recommend for allergies. I religiously keep my homeopathic remedies with me, and now I am fine.
    Homeopathic medicines work because everything in the world has a frequency at which it gives off energy—you can actually measure it. The homeopath produces a medicine that vibrates at the same frequency as the thing you are allergic to, which cancels it out and results in remarkable healing. They work particularly well for me, I think, because I am sensitive to the frequencies which obey the law of similars. Some skeptics will say it’s all in my head, a “placebo effect,” but I promise you that homeopathy works better for me than any pharmaceuticals. And certainly better than surgeons who are proud they have celebrity clientele. As far as I’ve seen, celebrities get the worst treatment there is from the medical profession.

As a Sometime Asthmatic, I Am Over Deep Breathing
    I have found a cure for asthma. It’s called the ButeyKo Technique, which is a set of breathing techniques. This is how it works:
    Step I: The “Control Pause” Breathing Test
    Take two normal breaths, then breathe out, and then see how long you can hold your breath. The goal is to be able to hold it for at least 60 seconds.
    Step II: Shallow Breathing
    Take shallow breaths using only your nose for five minutes. Keep your mouth shut. Then take the “control pause” test again to see if your count has improved. Hint: If your nose is blocked up, pinch your nostrils together for a few minutes. This helps clear the nasal passages.
    Step III: Putting It Together
    Repeat the “test-breathe-test” routine four or five times in a row. It will take about 25 minutes in total. Repeat this training session three or four times a day for a week. Don’t worry if you miss a session or two, just carry on. The goal is increasing your “control pause” test result.
    There it is. It’s that simple. After a week you should be able to breathe out and hold your breath for a count of over 60 seconds. Your asthma will be much better. It also helps prevent heart attacks because you are controlling the amount of carbon dioxide in your system.

I Am Over Being Polite to Boring People
    I am not good at “smalk.” That’s small talk. I try to maintain my patience, but it abandons me completely and I try not to tell the smalker what I’m thinking. I try to walk away, but if I can’t, I stand and listen for an inordinate amount of time, blinking and nodding. They go on and on, and I nod and blink on and on in return. The trick is to never speak or answer them or acknowledge what they are saying in any way. Finally, if they won’t stop talking, I go into a trance and meditate. At least that way I don’t hurt their feelings and can practice patience on another planet.
    I don’t know why so many people have gone rusty on thinking. Perhaps it was the dumbing-down of the W years. Or perhaps too many people are living most of their days on their computers and thus have the mind-set that the computer thinks for them. To have a thought-provoking conversation with someone is more difficult than pushing