Free Zamani by Angelic Rodgers Page B

and you indicate that this was partially your own
doing because you didn’t reject her, think about how Liz would react to
that.   If you feel guilty, think
about how crushed she would be.”
    “I do feel guilty for both
instances—Wren more so than Steph.”
    “Surely you realize you had
little choice.   Wren, as your ex
girlfriend, already had a hold on you. The additional additional attraction vampires
also have for their prey meant you didn’t stand a chance.   So, get over that one. I’m not saying
you were completely helpless, but you’ve got to let yourself off the hook.   Until someone experiences being turned,
they can’t speak to how irresistible the attraction is. You surely already realize
how your own attraction draws others in.   It’s how Lucy sensed you were kindred and why the connection with Steph
was more than either of you could resist this weekend.” She noticed Sasha blush
at the mention of Steph.  
    “Don’t feel guilty about
that, either. I’m sure you’ve also noticed your own feelings are turned down.
It’s a survival instinct. Feeding is an intimate act; in comparison to other
intimacy, feeding takes priority. The normal rules of monogamy don’t tend to
work among our kind.”
      “You have three choices at this stage,
Sasha. You can end it all, you can be miserable, or you can move of from your
life as Alex and truly embrace who you are.”
    Sasha emptied her
glass.   “I think I’ve already made
that choice.   I’m not ready to end
it. I need to make sense of what’s happened and find some way to make it right
with Liz. I’m apparently not into misery, so I guess that leaves only one
option.”
    Zofia nodded.   “Then let’s get started.   First, we need to work on building some
barriers. If you’re this open with your thoughts, you’re more likely to not
only fall victim to those who want to hurt and manipulate you, but you’ll also
be more prone to be reckless and careless in the hunt.   Lucy and the other donors can help you for
now, but they can’t sustain you indefinitely. It is part of your nature to hunt
and feed from those who are not donors.   The exchange is important as it also helps you gain strength and power.”
    Zofia stood up and motioned
for Sasha to do the same.   “You
would agree that you physically are larger than I am and should be able to over
power me, yes?”   Sasha nodded.  
    “Look directly into my eyes,
Sasha.   You may resist me, but know
that you’ll only make it worse for yourself.”   She slid her right hand along Sasha’s
shoulder and closed it around her neck.   She managed to somehow lift Sasha in the air.   Sasha struggled, both of her hands clutching
at Zofia’s hand, trying to pry her fingers and thumb from her neck and
failing.   Finally she relented and
Zofia set her down gently on her feet.   The place where her hand had been smarted a bit, but other than that
Sasha was unharmed.
    “I am much stronger than I
appear.   You will need to hunt to
gain strength.   And to successfully
hunt alone, you need to have complete control over your thoughts and emotions.”
    They worked for hours with
Zofia using visualization and meditation techniques to help Sasha create walls
around her thoughts.   When she felt
Sasha was ready and the wine was long gone, Zofia took her leave for the night,
promising to return the next night for more training. Sasha noticed that
daybreak was near as she fell asleep on the couch, too tired to get undressed
or go up to the loft to her bed.
    For the first time since she
became Sasha, she dreamt.   The dream
was a chaotic collage of images of her past life as Alex.   She woke up sobbing, grieving for the
life she couldn’t reclaim. When she slept again, she dreamt of going to Liz and
revealing her new identity.   In
those dreams, Liz ran from her, screaming, or even worse she came at her,
screaming still and hitting her, crying out about her betrayal and her weakness
for