Free GirlNextDoor by Lyra Marlowe Page B

can’t. I can’t risk it.”
    “Nolan.”
    “I can’t. You’re going home in a few days, and he’s all I’ll
have here. I can’t take the chance. I can’t.”
    “It could be really good, Nolan.”
    “It could be a disaster.” He took her face between his hands
again and looked her squarely in the eye. “Lucy, promise me you won’t say
anything to him. Promise me.”
    “I promise,” she sighed. “But if I keep sleeping with him,
if I find out he might be interested, just hypothetically, would you
reconsider?”
    “I’m telling you, he’s not into that.”
    “So far he’s been into everything I’ve suggested. I don’t
think you have any idea what he’s into.”
    He thought about it for a long moment. “Lucy.”
    “You deserve to be happy, Nolan. If John Krulak might be the
one you’d be happy with, isn’t it worth finding out?”
    “But he’s not, Lucy. Even if John were gay, he’s not into
relationships. He’s like you, he’s just…”
    “I would sell my soul to be in love, Nolan.”
    He stopped dead. He was still holding her face between his
hands. He could not miss the tears that welled up in her eyes. But she turned
away, retreated from his touch and his gaze. “What?”
    “You think we’re the way we are by choice, Nolan? You think
we wouldn’t rather have the same someone to come home to every night? That we
don’t want someone to love, someone to love us?”
    “But…”
    “It’s sex, Nolan. It’s sex and it’s good and then it’s over
and we go home alone. And it sucks. Do you even know what it means to me to
sleep beside you every night? Do you have any idea?”
    “Then why…”
    “Why don’t we just fall in love and settle down? You think
it’s that easy? Especially for people like us?”
    “Why don’t you stay with me then?” Nolan blurted.
    She turned and stared at him. “What?”
    “You can get sex anywhere. If it’s love you want, come and
live with me.”
    “That’s a terrible idea.”
    “Why?”
    “Because if I’m here, you’ll never find another lover.
You’ll settle for me, for what we have, and you won’t go try to find a real
lover.”
    “It’s not settling if it’s real love.”
    “You know what I mean.”
    “You’re the best thing,” Nolan insisted, “the closest thing
to real love I’ve ever had.”
    “No, I’m not.” Lucy frowned. “You had a real love with
Kevin. God knows I hate to admit it, but you were…happy with him. And it was
everything, love and sex and everything. Not just half, like I’d be.”
    He didn’t want to admit it either, but he knew she was
right. He shook his head. “God, Lucy, why does this have to be so complicated?”
    “You’re the smart one. You tell me.”
    They stood silent for a moment. Then Lucy moved into his
arms. “I love you, Nolan.”
    “I love you too.” He held her tightly. “I didn’t know you
weren’t happy. I thought you had everything you wanted.”
    “Dumb-ass.”
    “Sorry.” He kissed the top of her head. “Let’s go to bed.”
    Lucy chuckled sadly. “We could if you had a real bed
instead of that abomination of a futon.”
    She was changing the subject. Nolan let her. There wasn’t
anything else to say anyhow. “Tomorrow,” he promised. “Tomorrow we sleep in
comfort.”
    They settled together on the lumpy futon. He felt Lucy’s
body relax almost immediately, though he wasn’t sure if she was fully asleep.
She was warm, cozy. And she still smelled like John.
    If I was straight, he thought sadly, Lucy and I
would be perfect together. If John was gay, he and I would be perfect together.
    He shook his head slightly. In the words of Hemingway, it
was pretty to think so. The reality might be much different.
    Nolan closed his eyes and exhaled. John and Lucy. And
himself. Sex, non-sex, friendship, love. All connected, all tangled. Hopelessly
tangled.
    In a few days Lucy would go home, and many of the tangles
would disappear. Things would go back to the way they had