Free Ties That Bind by Marie Bostwick Page A

dumped them into the trash. “It was fine. I thought you made some very good points. It was fine,” she repeated, as if saying it twice would make it true and as if fine was the same as good.
    â€œWaldo Smitherton was very taken with you, and Charlie spoke well of your knife skills. Coming from him, that’s a real compliment. I’m not kidding.”
    She stood next to me, staring at the cutting board as I took the last onion, made six quick, deep cuts into the flesh, another six crossways, then chopped through the onion with a speed which was, I’ll admit, a little show-offy. But I think I can be forgiven for that. I’ve spent hours watching celebrity chefs perform this dazzling bit of showmanship and even more hours mastering it. Until now, I’d had no opportunity to display my skills to anyone besides Clementine. She hadn’t seemed that impressed.
    â€œWow!” Margot said. “Where’d you learn that?”
    I shrugged, unwilling to admit how many late nights I spend watching Emeril and Rachael and Jamie. After Tim died, cooking shows became my sleeping aid of choice.
    â€œI’ve always liked to cook. Tim used to say it was my beef bourguignon and chocolate lava cake that convinced him to marry me.”
    Margot made a sympathetic little noise. I’d told her about Tim when we met at the parsonage, right after she’d told me about her breakup with her old boyfriend. Every psych textbook I’ve ever read says that the best way to draw someone out is just to listen, but I don’t think that’s always true. Sometimes, when a woman shares a secret, especially one you can tell she didn’t plan on sharing, it makes her feel better if you tell her one of your secrets in exchange, as a sort of pledge of good faith. There’s probably an official phrase for this in textbooks about interpersonal communications, but I’ve always called it “trading hostages.” That’s what I did with Margot.
    I wasn’t surprised that she’d shared personal information with me and so quickly. People have always told me their stuff, even before I was ordained. Maybe I’m easy to talk to. I hope so. Sometimes people just need a safe place to unload their troubles.
    Don’t get me wrong, telling Margot about my broken heart, how Tim’s death left me in mourning not just for my best friend and lover but the death of all the plans we’d made for children, a home, life as we had thought it would and should be, wasn’t just for her benefit. Sometimes I need to share my stuff too. A minister has to choose her confidantes with care. However, Margot seemed trustworthy and entirely honest, guileless even. More importantly, I liked her.
    It was sweet of her to invite me to Christmas dinner, especially at the last minute. But as I stood in Margot’s kitchen chopping vegetables, I felt emotional, almost teary, and not because of the onion.
    Christmas is a day for celebration and hope and gratitude. I know because I just preached a whole sermon on the subject. I have every reason to feel hopeful and grateful. God gave me a church for Christmas—a lovely church in a charming Norman Rockwell village filled with kind-hearted people who take in stray pastors and invite them to Christmas dinner at the last minute. I should be happy. Instead, I am suddenly swamped by loneliness and longing. I miss my family and I miss Tim. I miss all those connections and complications that make life such a struggle and give it such meaning.
    This is a nice town, but I don’t know this place, these people. I am a stranger here and it feels strange. Things will look brighter after the holidays, I suppose, when my work will begin in earnest. On the other hand, maybe they won’t. The reaction to my sermon was, unfortunately, about what I’d expected it to be. That doesn’t bode well for my future in New Bern. But one way or another, I’ll soon be too