Free Geek Chic by Margie Palatini Page B

and again I say
almost
—as much about the presidents as I do.
    Did I say “almost”? Because I want to make it known that I might be a presidential historian someday like that lady from Massachusetts who writes all the books my dad has on his bookshelves, and right now there’s no contest that I know more about George to George and beyond than Alex Shemtob.
    (
Just want to clear that up
.)
    So, as history goes, Alex is in column A. He’s quite the excellent one at solving word problems too. He’s like the best mathlete at Harry S. next to Venus, who really knows her Sudoku.
    And
one more thing: He has primo pencils. He uses HBs, which are the best for filling in circles on multiple-choice tests.
    But, good pencils aside, Alex needs a little SOS
(Samuel Morse and the scouring pads)
in … eating.
    Venus describes it as “inhaling.”
    The thing is, Alex mostly exhales what he inhales.
    Not pretty—or safe—especially if you’re sitting across from him and not wearing an art smock.
    But that’s not the worst part that happens on this particular day 186 days before sixth grade.
    Oh, not so hardly …

    Bring a box of tissues — or some of that pink stuff for your stomach.
    you’re going need it.
    The Lunchroom Life
of
Zoey Zinevich
    Featuring Venus Romero as her best friend
    ACT 1: Scene 1
    11:38 a.m.
    Hot-Lunch Lunch Line
    Venus and Zoey are last in the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line because they have stayed after library class to help Mrs. Temlock-Fields in the Media Center. Besides knowing Dewey and decimal, Mrs. T-F also knows Italian, which she is teaching to V and Z.
    Today they learn
“bene,”
which means “good.”
    But … nothing is
bene
today.
    Most of all lunch.
    All the turkey sandwiches with or without mayo (no tomato) are gone.
    V and Z grab their trays and slide along to the FIRST STOP on the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line: Mrs. Salerno, the hairnet lady with a mustache (yes, mustache).
    She stares. Then grumbles.
    (She is a very good grumbler.)
    MRS. SALERNO:
    Meat loaf or slumgullion*?
    (*no known definition or description available at this time)
    ZOEY:
    Meat loaf.
    MRS. SALERNO:
    Gravy?
    Zoey nods.
    The spoon known simply as Super Salerno disappears into the murky good word choice ditto on w.c. goop. It comes back up (reemerges).
    The gravy is thick, lumpy, and gray, which is a good thing. It covers the meat loaf, which is grayer.
    Venus chooses the slumgullion.
    (She really lives on the edge.)
    Venus takes an apple.
    Zoey takes an orange.
    a healthy fruit, and her favorite color
    The two give their names to Mrs. Petrovic, who is the official LUNCH
    LIST NAME CHECKER
    Mrs. Petrovic checks the lunch list so nobody steals food.
    I know. Who would possibly want to steal gray meat loaf and slumgullion (whatever that is)?
    ACT 1: Scene 2
    11:42 a.m.
    V and Z are checked in and out. They exit the Hot-Lunch Lunch Line.
    And then …
    realize the
    HORROR OF IT ALL?
    The ONLY seats left in the whole entire Lunchroom slash All-Purpose Room slash Gym are at the tables of Alex Shemtob or … The Bashleys!
    ACT 2: Scene 1
    11:44 a.m.
    Lunchroom/All-Purpose Room/Gym
    Venus and Zoey stare down at their trays.
    Mystery gravy?
    Slumgullion?
    … Alex Shemtob?
    Their stomachs can’t survive a Harry S. Hot Lunch and Alex.
    V and Z have no choice.
    They park their fannies at …
    The Table Bashley.
    A hush falls over the Lunchroom.
    Even Alex Shemtob stops inhaling.
    And exhaling.
Nobody
sits down at The Table Bashley
with The
Bashleys except
Friends
of The Bashleys.
    Venus and Zoey are not
Friends
of The Bashleys.
    They are not even
Friends
of the
Friends of
The Bashleys.
    But—make no mistake about it—everyone wants to be a
Friend
of The Bashleys
(see Chapter One).
    Everyone at The Table Bashley stares. Then WHISPERS.
    Whispering is NOT good.
    NOT GOOD in capital letters when the WHISPERING is between
    The Bashleys of The Table Bashley.
    Venus and Zoey don’t know what to do:
    (a) Stare back
    (b) Whisper between