Free Jack's Black Book by Jack Gantos Page B

profits. He was a fabulous non-stop moneymaking machine. As long as he was working, I didn’t have to write postcards, but could sit around all day waiting for trouble.
    â€œI’m going to the bathroom,” he said to me after I turned all his pockets inside out to make sure he had given me every cent.
    â€œDon’t aim against the wind,” I advised, as he tapped across the patio and went inside the hotel lobby.
    I hadn’t got any writing done, as I was busy watching a squad of girls practice synchronized swimming in the pool. I figured they were on the bottom of the evolutionary scale. They were like real fish with feet. And then it struck me. Wham! There they were—eight upside-down legs that belonged to four girls. Madame Ginger was a visionary genius. I was wondering how I might meet them when the lobby door opened and Pete came flying out. A security guard stood in the doorway and shouted, “I don’t care if you’re blind. Don’t let me catch you going into the ladies’ room again.”
    â€œGeez Louise,” I muttered. “I can’t let him out of my sight.” I hopped up and ran over to him. “Now you’re becoming a perv,” I said, yanking him forward by his ear. “What would Mom say about this?”
    â€œDon’t tell her,” he begged.
    â€œAs long as you just stick with being a criminal I won’t say a word. Besides, you’ll make more money that way.”
    â€œBut it was a mistake,” he cried, and slapped at myhand. “I was practicing with my eyes closed and I went in the wrong door. I was whacking my stick around trying to find the urinal and accidentally poked a woman.”
    â€œYeah. Tell that to the judge,” I said suspiciously. “Anyway, I need your help, and you owe me.”
    â€œWhat do you want? I already gave you all my money.”
    â€œI want to meet those girls,” I said, and pointed to the pool. “They have upside-down legs.”
    â€œI don’t get it,” he said.
    â€œMadame Ginger said I’d meet someone with upside-down legs and that it would lead to devastating humiliation and shame. That’s just what I need for my writing. Now, what do you see? Eight upside-down legs, right?”
    â€œRight. But how do you know which one you’re supposed to meet?”
    â€œI’m not sure yet, but let me handle it my way,” I replied. “I have a plan. Tap your way over toward the far end of the pool,” I said. “The deep end. Right next to the sign that says, SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK. I’ll follow you.”
    We walked over there and watched. They bobbed up and down, spun around in circles, and splashed water in all directions. They looked like human lawn sprinklers doing ballet. Then they turned upside down and kicked their legs back and forth, snipping the air like scissors. They all looked dangerous to me. If you fell on top of them they’d slice you to shreds.
    â€œHow do they hold their breath so long?” Pete asked.
    â€œPractice,” I replied. “Now you take a deep breath.” Hedid. I ripped the stick out of his hand and pushed him into the water. He still hadn’t learned to swim very well and went straight to the bottom. Forgive me, Mom, I said to myself, but he’ll be okay. I figured he was good for about two minutes before I had to rescue him.
    â€œExcuse me,” I shouted toward the girls. They didn’t hear me. I cupped my hands around my mouth. “Excuse me!” I shouted again. They kept spinning around, twirling their arms overhead, and spitting like fish.
    They couldn’t hear me because their bathing caps were pulled down over their ears. And then they turned upside down again. I looked at those upside-down legs. Which one was mine? I had to take a chance. “If my mother punched your mother,” I sang, pointing from leg to leg. “What color was the blood? R … E …