Free Be in the Real by Denise Mathew Page B

at predicting…
    “Leave now.”  
    Her voice was higher, shriller. She stretched her body to its full height; attempting to loom over this man or boy, now that she’d had a closer look at him she wasn’t sure which category he fell into.  
    Derrick shrugged and took a few steps away from her. Still, there was no fear in his expression. For a brief flash his bravery made her think about Norm and how no matter how many times she had beaten him, he had come back for more. But now that was all over, Norm was over. Once again, the sinking feeling that had weighed on her from the moment it had been confirmed that he was gone, resurfaced. And with that feeling came a rancor for this man-boy who had triggered her, made her remember her loss.
    “GO,” Kaila hollered in his face.
      Her breath came out in a rush as the fury and pain pushed into her mind, making her want to retreat, to escape from it all, because Norm had been just another patient. Patients came and went, there were no feelings attached to the routine, no care for the outcome or where they went when they left Wildwind. What they did in the outside world didn’t matter. Even if they came back, Kaila didn’t care much, because they were just like an old sweater that you had forgotten in a drawer, until one day you found it again and you wore it. There was no emotion attached to a piece of clothing. But when Kaila thought about it she realized that maybe she did put more attention into the things that surrounded her, more than she had ever imagined. Her computer for instance was a lifeline to Trillian, and without it she wouldn’t have been able to connect with, and to a degree control, Trillian.  
    “Are you okay?” Derrick’s voice broke into her thoughts, bringing her back to the moment, to him.  
    The fact that he was still standing there, even after she had bellowed her disapproval interested her. People never hung around when she ordered them away, but he had, and that fact alone made her pause.
    She studied him more closely, noting the pale yellow fiberglass walking cast on his right foot and his rosy toes, poking out from the end of it.
    “What happened to you?” she asked, signaling toward his cast.  
    Kaila watched a flush work up his neck, to his face and even the tips of his ears. To her eyes it looked a lot like embarrassment and maybe discomfort too. She might have expected that kind of a reaction after she had yelled into his face, but not with a question that seemed more than benign. Oddly he was exhibiting behavior that he should have already shown her when she had yelled. Once again she was shocked at how she was unable to predict the future with this new person, as if her connection to the knowing had been severed.
    “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.  
    Without another word he spun on the base of his cast and hobbled away from her. There was purpose in his broken step, as if it meant everything for him to get away from her. Satisfied that she had achieved her goal and had removed Derrick from her environment, she snapped her laptop shut then tucked it into the crook of her arm. Still, even with him out of her line of sight, she couldn’t help but wonder about who he was, and why she couldn’t predict his moves and actions in the least bit. There were few who could move in and out of her orb and be like shadows, hidden and unknown.  
    Because of this very fact alone, her inability to determine his moves before they happened, she found her thoughts drifting to the man-boy. Without her permission Derrick had entered her world, bypassing the periphery. He had landed plum in the center. What happened after that was anyone’s guess. One thing she was certain about was the absolute lack of her ability to understand why or even how he had stepped into the center of her circle. This occurrence had her wondering if she in fact was losing her grasp on reality and order.

CHAPTER 9
    “I am acutely aware that I have spoken about