Free The Magnificent Elmer by Pearl Bernstein Gardner, Gerald Gardner Page A

tune, by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, a few authentic songs of the twenties such as “Baby Face” and “Poor Butterfly.” And if you listen very carefully, you can even hear bits of Elmer’s score, struggling to be heard.
    “And the Oscar goes to Elmer Bernstein for the score to Thoroughly Modern Millie —”
    Almost worth waiting for.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
FINE AND DANNY
    “The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle.”
    —Danny Kaye
    The phone call from Danny Kaye had come when Elmer was suffering from the depredations of the blacklist—what Elmer chose in later years to dismiss as the grey list. The call from Danny Kaye was a definite Eureka moment.
    Elmer pointed to the phone receiver, I picked up the extension and listened to the actual voice of Danny Kaye. Danny was to star in The Court Jester for Sam Goldwyn. “The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle,” Danny would famously say. He needed Elmer as a rehearsal pianist to work with him on the movie. His wife Sylvia Fine, was the brilliant, protean woman who many said had created Danny, writing the dazzling comedy and music that had fueled his career. Sylvia needed someone to translate her tunes in the movie into genuine songs. Danny’s bravura performances of Sylvia Fine’s witty patter songs brought out all that was best in Danny. His career would last fifty years and embrace seventeen films, most notably The Secret Life of Walter Mitty , The Inspector General , Hans Christian Anderson and The Court Jester . He also received the French Legion of Honor. “They’re giving that to everybody,” Danny laughed.
    Danny and Sylvia looked on Elmer and me as the new kids on the block. We were at every party the Kayes threw. Those parties were where the movers and shakers in town flowed in and out. Glenn Ford, Jack and Mary Benny, Truman Capote, Lauren Bacall, Laurence Olivier, Clifford Odets. The cast of characters was constantly changing and always stimulating.
    Danny got some tips from Elmer on the physicality of conducting a symphony orchestra. These enabled Danny to be authentic as well as hilarious when he appeared as a guest conductor with virtually every major symphony orchestra in America in behalf of their musicians’ pension funds, raising over ten million dollars. Watching Danny from backstage at the Los Angeles Philharmonic was a delight. He would appear in glistening tails, gripping a quiver of batons. He would judiciously select one, lose it in his first gesture, take another and conduct the orchestra. He mimed an argument with the first violinist, conducted the audience in a greeting, then flawlessly lead the orchestra in a medley of Ravel, Tchaikovsky, Verdi, Beethoven, and John Philip Sousa.
    ***
    Danny had a passion for the things that interested him. He was fascinated by medicine, Chinese food, piloting his own plane, and the Los Angeles Dodgers. I loved the moments when Danny, Elmer and I would arrive at Dodgers Stadium. As we walked down the long corridor to our seats, the crowd would part like the waters of the red sea in the DeMille epic, and then close as inexorably after us.
    As we watched batting practice, Danny once recounted to us how Sam Goldwyn presented him with the script for one of his favorite films, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty . “Mr. Goldwyn sits there with his right forefinger pressed firmly against his nose,he hands me this red binder and he says, ‘It’s a good role for you, Danny.’ And I say I’m looking forward to reading it. And Mr. Goldwyn says, ‘The only trouble is, it’s a little blood and thirsty.’ And I say, ‘I am flabber and gasted.’”
    Elmer asked Danny if the story he had heard from Garson Kanin was true. When the famous playwright had first been interviewed by Goldwyn for a junior writer’s job, an impassioned Goldwyn had explained why he loved making movies. “It’s not the money or the power,” said Goldwyn. “It’s an education ! Right now